Marriage, Money, And Entrepreneurship With Daniel & Dani Stringer

Marriedpreneurs, authors, and speakers who have founded a multi-million dollar healthcare organization and a children’s health blog (kidnurse.org) bringing in over 1.5 million readers – Daniel & Dani Stringer

Here’s what you’ll learn about Marriage, Money, And Entrepreneurship:

– How to turn your personality differences into benefits, making your business soar!

– Why you should consider going into business with your spouse. (The real benefits might surprise you!)

– Handling the “what if it fails?” concern. (And how to make working with your spouse a “smooth sail”!)

– The #1 “trick” to prevent OR resolve any serious conflict.

– The “Let’s-Not-Talk-About-Kids” strategy to keep your personal (and business) relationship healthy and happy. (Dani swears by it!)

– The biggest mistake most entrepreneurs make when it comes to their emotional health. (It’s the MAIN reason why relationships fail.)

– What is a “relationship bank account” and why you MUST create one to be successful.

DanielAndDani.com – Marriage, Money, and Entrepreneurship

Marriedpreneurs.net – Daniel and Dani’s Private Facebook Group

TotalCareConnections.com – Total Care Connections gets you the home care you need from certified caregivers or CNAs in the Scottsdale, Phoenix, and Tucson area. Assisted living, hospice & memory care.

KidNurse.org – Raising Healthy Children and Even Happier Parents

Transcript: Download

Video Transcription provided by GMR Transcription Services.

Jaime:	Welcome to Eventual Millionaire. I'm Jaime Masters. And I am so excited to have two amazing people on the show today. They are called marriedpreneurs, which I think is absolutely amazing, Daniel and Dani Striker - Stringer, sorry about that. And it's danielanddani.com is your website. Not only do you do that of course, but you also have two other businesses; one is called Launch Homecare and Total Care Connections. Thank you so much for both of you coming on the show today. I really appreciate it.

Daniel:	Yeah, thanks so much for having us.

Dani:	Thank you.

Jaime:	I loved it because Daniel was here and I'm like: oh, wait, where's your wife? And he's like she's over here. I'm like no; have her do the interview too, because the whole side thing that you've been really working towards is talking about this marriedpreneur thing. And yes, the other businesses are cool, but I feel like this is something that's not really talked about on the internet in general. What made you guys come up with doing this together?

Daniel:	Yeah, that's a great question. And it's funny because yeah, Dani wasn't planning on being on the show, but you called out - you called us out to see if we were really marriedpreneurs. Is she really there? And boom, she is really here. We really work together 24 hours a day. I know it's not for everybody, but we literally do. We are together all the time. And it was actually a couple years ago; I've been an entrepreneur since I was - fulltime since I was 18. 

	And it was a couple years ago, and I just turned 30 this year, that Dani wanted to come on board with us. And she brought a lot of skill sets that I didn't have. I'm an entrepreneur by trade. I'm a business person, marketing. And she's actually a pediatric nurse practitioner.

Jaime:	Really?

Daniel:	Yeah. Y'all, her business is healthcare. So I was always the business side of the healthcare, but I've never been clinical. And so she came on board fulltime and really focused on bringing the quality of our care and our product up. And so we've really been a huge balance for one another ever since.

Jaime:	How long ago was that that she came full-time?

Dani:	Almost two years ago.

Jaime:	How long have you guys been together total?

Daniel:	We'll be celebrating our five year anniversary this November.

Jaime:	Okay. I have so many questions, and congratulations.

Daniel:	Thank you.

Dani:	Oh, thanks.

Jaime:	So what's interesting, and I was telling you guys this a little bit beforehand, I just did a speech in Bangkok, Thailand about relationships and entrepreneurship. And a lot of the information I got back was having one that's an entrepreneur, you are the entrepreneur Daniel, and one that's not and more 9:00 to 5:00. There was a lot of friction right, because the mindset and the risk tolerance and all sorts of other things were different. Did you feel like there was a difference before she got in the business, as far as what she thought of entrepreneurship?

Daniel:	Yeah, that's a good question. I mean, for sure, I think because before she came on board, I would go to the office. I would be handling everything. And to her it seemed like she wasn't involved at all, just being very supportive and encouraging, and we'd process through things at the end of the day, but she wasn't involved. So we went from not being involved to being completely involved. 

Dani:	All the time.

Daniel:	So learning about what is really -

Jaime:	Look at her face, I love it.

Daniel:	You know, we have 150 employees, so learning what it's like to manage them. You know, but the thing is, is she is a very smart person. She graduated with her master's degree at 18. I never graduated from anything. Literally we joke, she's the princess, she's the super smart one, and I'm Aladdin the street smarts. And so we balance each other in a lot of ways, and that's another one. But like managing people, recruiting, dealing with all of the random challenges that entrepreneurs have that you don't plan for, they just happen. 

	And then having to know that the buck stops with us, so we have to figure it out. So it's the surprise element that entrepreneurs deal with that 9:00 to 5:00ers typically don't. Or if there is a surprise it just goes above them and someone else deals with it, you know.

Dani:	And I think it's just kind of all about your mindset on it too, because there is definitely differences between the two of us. But I think when we were able to just acknowledge those differences as possible benefits, where we both had different things to bring to the table, that that really benefited not only our relationship, but obviously as our business as well.

Jaime:	Now Dani, did you think he was crazy running a business? I'm sure he probably worked all the time beforehand, and of course you were supportive, he wouldn't have married you if you weren't, but did you think that the entrepreneurial world was just nuts?

Interviewee:	You know, when I was little, I always thought I would probably end up with like a physician or a lawyer. You know, like that's just like a pharmacist -

Daniel:	Well, her family - yeah.

Dani:	I did not think of the entrepreneur route at all. So of course when I bring him home to meet the family, they're like I don't - I don't even know how to feel about this?

Daniel:	And they all have advanced degrees and secure jobs.

Dani:	It was love at first sight, and I just - I mean, he's super talented and gifted. And it's different, the entrepreneur lifestyle is not for everybody, but now that I've had this opportunity to experience it myself, I love it. Like, I don't really want to go back to a 9:00 to 5:00. You know, once you've tasted that freedom it's like: oh, wow, this is why people do this.

Jaime:	It's not as easy as it could be, for sure. So how did you guys actually make the decision to go all in? I've worked with a lot of clients that have been married and in business at the same time, and it's not necessarily a good match in Heaven for the entrepreneurship side, not necessarily the marriage side, and so bringing that in has caused issues. How did you make that hard core decision that she should come in?

Daniel:	Well, I think the first thing was I actually - well, to make a - it's kind of an in-depth story, but I'll make it really quick. I had a business partner when I started this company, almost ten years ago. And I ended up buying him out, and it was kind of a heated battle. If you ever want to do a show on partnerships, I could be your person.

Jaime:	Yeah, we said business - we've talked, yes.

Daniel:	Because I've made marriedpreneurs work really well, but the business partnership did not work too well with this person. So anyways, I ended up - it was heated six month thing. And so when that was coming to an end, it really kind of opened up mind to saying: you would be amazing to have in the business because you bring this whole side that I don't, the healthcare side, and could really help us out. Plus, you know, she was going through kind of a transition at work.

Dani:	Yeah, right, at the same time that the 9:00 to 5:00 lifestyle that really becomes more like 6:00 to like 9:00 at night, that was starting to get old at the same time, too. So I was kind of getting burnt out of that. You know, I think at the time when we were getting rid of his partner, we just saw this as an opportunity that was like: well, we'll never know unless we try it. So we might as well try and see how well we can do this together.

Daniel:	And the one thing that we did that I thought might be helpful for your listeners too, is we did it, we made the plunge for her to come on fulltime, but the idea was, we'll try this out for the summer and see what happens. And then so we weren't like, you know, we didn't put all this pressure on the decision, but it worked out, so then it became long term.

Jaime:	See, that's exactly what I was going to ask you. You like dipped your toe in, instead of going like, and we're here. Look at that, now we have to make it work. Because I feel like that pressure would be huge, especially if you didn't work it out. Imagine bringing that up. Oh, by the way, you kind of suck at this. Like, that's not something you want to say to your significant other.

Dani:	No.

Jaime:	So give me some tips on some of this stuff. Because when I was doing the research for the speech, because I - and everybody that's listening knows I got divorced. So I was like I'm not the expert in this. 15 years is still a long time, but still. I didn't feel like I was an expert. So I was trying to come up with things to do, versus what not to do, and how to make this work. And do we not have the same office? I noticed you guys have the same office. So what sort of tips do you have for somebody who does want to go into business with their significant other?

Daniel:	Yeah. I mean, the first thing that I had to learn through some mistakes of my own in the process of bringing her on fulltime was, you know, that always treating your spouse as the asset that they are, and recognizing that the differences that you have in opinion and all those types of things have to be filtered through the fact that they are an asset first, not a - they're not just representing a difference of opinion of yours. 

	And what I mean by that is, for example, she brought in some ideas to invest into additional staff members and more infrastructure. Well, for me being the business side of the business, you know, I'm thinking that sounds great, but we have to write checks for all those things.

Jaime:	Exactly.

Daniel:	So it became a point of conflict. You know, not like fighting conflict, but conflict where, you know, I'm like I got to think about it and she's feeling the importance of it. And I realized subconsciously that I was just not, for about the first six months, I wasn't taking her ideas as seriously as I probably should have. And we ended up doing those things, but she kind of came up with this thing where she said: I feel like I have to get to the point where I'm going to like start crying, before you're like: oh, maybe I should take this seriously.

Jaime:	That's huge, though. Lots of people do that. I mean, I have clients; lots of people do that because it will work. And unfortunately they have trained each other that that's what you have to do, which sucks.

Daniel:	Right.

Dani:	Yeah.

Daniel:	So I learned to listen better through the experience. And not just listen like: okay, let me hear what you have to say, but listen like: alright, let's really think through the idea that you have, because the point of you being here is the fact that I don't think the way you do. I think this way, and you bring a whole different perspective to the business. And that's an important thing, it's just going to challenge my thinking all the time, but that's still good, so it's recognizing that. That was my biggest lesson that I had to learn through this experience.

Dani:	Yeah, he's a better listener now, it's great.

Jaime:	It worked out so well for you. But like you said the challenging piece, so let alone being in a marriage is challenging anyway, there's always something. And so after 15 years, and we had a perfect - well, not perfect, but like as perfect as you could get marriage with great communication and stuff. So even if when it is quote, un-quote perfect, there's always little things.

Daniel:	Right.

Jaime:	And then you add in the challenge of business, and trying to get to work together. And then 24 hours of being in the same place at the same time, that just adds, and adds, and adds. You're like in boiling water now, right?

Daniel:	Right.

Jaime:	So how did you guys mitigate those pieces also, just being around each other all the time, and cutting off the difference between personal and non personal?

Daniel:	Well, we travel a lot.

Dani:	When we can't take the business anymore, we just plan some super fun vacation and just kind of forget everything.

Daniel:	No, that's true. And we travel for business, too. So like last year we did like, you know, we took - we traveled for over 60 days vacation, and then we traveled for business. But when we're traveling for business a lot of times what happens is - you know, when you go home to your house, sometimes it feels like you can disconnect, but when you're traveling on a business trip, it's like you're at the hotel, you're talking about business.

Dani:	And it's like constant

Daniel:	So we started joking around like the businesses are our kids. We don't have kids yet, so the businesses are our kids. So we'd sit down at dinner and we'd be like let's not talk about the kids.

Jaime:	Of course you guys are that cute.

Daniel:	And so we had to be intentional.

Dani:	Yeah. And I think that there's, even in just the basics of being together all the time, I think that's probably actually one of the hardest things for some people. Like, we really truly do enjoy being together. And I would say that that's maybe not the case for everybody, but we typically do work on different parts of the business. So we're not necessarily always working on the same project, too. 

	You know, for how it works with us typically is like I come up with lots of ideas, and he's just this great go getter and he's going to get stuff done all the time. And so that's just one of the methods of how we work.

Daniel:	Yeah. but I think it all boils down to intentionality because I think you can easily let the business, just like a personal life too, I mean this goes for every single marriage regardless of business, but specifically entrepreneurs, you can let the business just drive your whole life.

Dani:	Consume you.

Daniel:	And so it's like saying: okay, no, like what else is important? And starting to outline those things before the day is over, just so that you know you're focusing on - we're focusing on business, but now we're going to focus on personal time and just talking about how you're doing, and how you're feeling, and what do you want to do? You know, what next country do you want to travel to for fun. And just literally trying to talk about other things, because it doesn't happen naturally, especially on the bad days, when all you want to do is talk about what wrong.

Dani:	Yes.

Jaime:	Especially on the bad days, yes. That's why as a coach I have to be like: okay, so therapy would be something that you - that's not me. You can go talk to somebody over there. Because communication is a huge, huge piece of it, right? And if you're not intentional, it can sort of lead you down paths that you don't realize until later. And you'll like: oh, the exit was way back there and we're, you know, going the wrong direction.

Daniel:	Yes.

Jaime:	That being said, when you're looking at - and I don't know if you guys have experience in this, but I know you have a blog about this in general. What about entrepreneurs that aren't necessarily working in the same business, and they're trying to grow, how do you cultivate and deepen the relationship that way, when one person needs - I mean, it spreadsheets similar to what you guys have to do because you have two separate distinctions.

Daniel:	Yes.

Jaime:	But still there are so many things. And if you want to hit your trajectory, and you want to hit your trajectory, how do you make even time for that, when you're trying to really, really grow?

Daniel:	You know, that brings up a good point. Did you have a thought on that?

Dani:	No, you go.

Daniel:	Well, when I - one of the things I think entrepreneurs devalue, and they don't realize it, is their emotional health. They sacrifice that, and they do everything to move the needle forward financially and otherwise. And their emotional hl it's so important. Well, relationships are much about emotional health, mutual emotional health and individual. So I think about like what are mine doing as a husband, and what is Dani - I know Dani thinks about this, what am I doing as a wife to build the other person up emotionally? 

	Because that gives them collateral, that gives them - you're pouring into them that help them be more successful. I think relationships are like a bank account. If you make deposits of encouragement, of help when you can, I'm going to stop what I'm doing and help you with what you're doing. You know, what's going wrong and how can I bring some compassion into this conversation? Then you can also make withdrawals on those difficult days, and they don't turn into immediate fights. 

	It doesn't turn into immediate words, because you've made deposits in the relationship, there's lot of health there. I think that's so implementation, because you can run two races at the same time, but you still have to be unified and know that the other person genuinely is for you.

Dani:	And I think it's even - it's worth thinking about, too. You know, what would this look like if we decided for a season that we're going to focus on this thing. What if we like both focused on this thing? And not everybody can do that. But seasons can be short, so sometimes when you have two people working towards the same goals, you can accomplish so much more during that time.

Jaime:	Well, that's what I was going to ask too, because we only have so much time. And so when we are, especially as an entrepreneur type, like I've got one of those brains, right? And I think most of the people listening are like: oh, I want to do everything, and I want to have been done yesterday, but I'll deal with it being done right now, like everything right now.

Daniel:	Yes.

Dani:	Yes.

Jaime:	So when you're talking about the emotional bank account, how do we out it as a priority sometimes, when there are emails, and there's this, and there's that? And even if you have a team, you just feel like you're compelled, because I'm business owner, right? You're like I just really feel like I need to do this. How do we actually set the priority on that emotional bank account, so that way we can give to more of that, when you feel like you've got so many other things going on, too?

Dani:	Well, we definitely always as a rule, like our marriage, it's just a rule, our marriage will always come before any business ever, ever, ever, ever, like that's the line in the sand. And so I think when you make that priority, then it's the priority. Like, our relationship is so much more important than any blog or any company that we'll ever have. 

Daniel:	Yeah. and I always tell people too, when you want to find out what's most important to you, don't ask yourself the question, so that you can cognitively come up with what's most important to you, just look at the last week or month, and journal what you actually spent your time on, and that's what's most important to you. So whether or not you think or not -

Jaime:	But that's what I feel like is the problem. I feel like that's the thing, you're like: oh, but then that's the - oh, crap, that's the oh, darn, right?

Daniel:	Yeah.

Jaime:	So how do we deal with that? Do you know what I mean?

Dani:	We constantly remind ourselves, like literally we tell each other this, because we all are so driven, it's not a sprint, it's a marathon. It's not a sprint, it's a marathon. Like, we accomplished enough for today, let's tackle something else tomorrow.

Daniel:	Yeah. And then I think saying, approaching the week, so for example, let's say you know that you have this problem. I'm focusing 120 percent on my business, and not very much on my relationship, and my faith is out the window right now, or whatever the other things are that we want to focus on, but we're not. And then starting the week and saying I am going to focus on these five things. And the other thing is, if there's ten, maybe you need to narrow that down to five. 

	So it's like I'm going to have date night, regardless. We're going to just shut it off and we're going to do it. I'm going to get to bed at this time. You know, whatever those things are that are important, and then make sure they actually happen. Even if that puts this one big thing that seems to be taking over your life, even if that forces you to shut it down. Maybe you feel like I can't, I shouldn't, this is a bad decision, this is a bad business decision, well you know what, not all of life is about that. 

	And you can get to 60, 70, 80 years old, and you ask these people, if you could go back and do anything differently, and I'm sure you've had a lot of those conversations, and it boils down to pursuing those other things that were important all that time. They were always important, but they never actually focused on it, you know.

Jaime:	Yes. When I was interviewing Dan Martel, asking about the relationship stuff, he said date night. He goes we call it the metric meeting, or some sort of like team meeting, so it sounded very businesslike. And he's like no, it's just date night. It's like but, we're checking in on our KPIs for our relationship to make sure -

Daniel:	Of our business.

Jaime:	No, of our relationship. So that way they know that everybody is on the same page. And I was like that's really something that a lot of business owners can understand. Like, oh, that's why. Why do you need a team meeting in your business, of course you need a date night. I'm like why do we negate that, when that technically deals with the health of your relationship in general.

Dani:	Of course.

Jaime:	So what's interesting though, as I love what you were saying Dani, before that being able to have, this is your number one priority is huge. That being said, he had his business before he had you, so you going our marriage is number one, of course he has to be all in on that also. What would happen if they weren't, though? You know what I mean, if they're like: well, business is my baby. You're also number one, but business is my baby. How does somebody challenge that?

Dani:	That's a good question.

Jaime:	Don't marry them. No, I'm kidding.

Dani:	Yeah. No, honestly, I think, yeah, our relationship probably wouldn't work very well if I wasn't his number one priority still. Because business is - you know, like we have to accept that businesses will actually come and go. Sometimes businesses are really, really successful, right? And sometimes they're awesome, and sometimes we have that ideas that just flat out fail. So you can't build your self identity necessarily on a business, even though it's awful tempting and we usually do. 

	We're just so dedicated to spending the rest of our lives with each other that failure is not an option. So when failure in your relationship isn't an option, it kind of has no choice but to be the first priority.

Daniel:	Plus I think - I think entrepreneurs have to start looking at their relationship in terms of how they view their business. And what I mean by that is, as a business operator and owner, a lot of times entrepreneurs, they start their businesses as operators, and they have to transition into owners. And owners are great delegators. You cannot delegate your relationship. You can't ever get to this place where I've now been able to figure out how to solve all of my wife's needs through delegation. 

	You know, that doesn't work, but in business, of course it works. And a business owner should think of how can I delegate, so that my relationship doesn't suffer. And you can make millions, and millions, and millions of dollars, without having to work a 100 hours a week. There's plenty of people like that, ourselves included. You know, we - our business is a multimillion dollar company and we are not killing ourselves to do it. 

	But it's because we've been able to learn, it's not like we just knew this the whole time, and we're still learning, but we've been able to learn the art of delegation, and being owners, not just operators.

Jaime:	A huge distinction. I love that, especially that we can't really outsource the relationship side. I can just imagine like the personal assistant being like, "Hi, honey, glad you're home." You know what I mean? Nope, can't really do that. What it brings up though, have you guys ever read The Way of the Superior Man, have you ever heard of that book?

Daniel:	No.

Jaime:	One of the premises, which I found very interesting, and it's masculine, it doesn't necessarily have to be like The Way of the Superior Man, since I'm the woman that likes business, but still. What it talks about is that the feminine is really in support, and that she should never get in the way of her man's mission. And so it's interesting, I know. So like what's interesting is I love your perspective on putting it first. And then there's also this like, as far as deeper masculine man calling, right?

Dani:	Yeah.

Jaime:	And so where does that come into play, not that you would ever take him down, I'm quite positive, but still, where does that come into play where you're like: oh, this is part of his mission, I should step back?

Dani:	Yeah, that's an awesome question.

Jaime:	I'm putting you on the spot a lot, Dani.

Dani:	I know. No, I love these questions. I think they're so great. Yeah, so I think for women specifically, one of the things that I have really had to almost change my mind set a little bit about, is that my best value to Daniel is truly in the support that I can give him. And when I stepped into this business, we were at a place where that emotional support was really necessarily. So that kind of helped set the framework up for it. 

	But changing to thinking I'm doing excellently because I'm coming up with great ideas that might move the company forward, and I'm being emotionally supportive in what I'm doing and saying. Instead of thinking, like we're so often tempted, how many things did I get done today? How many tasks did I accomplish? You know, that is not really an entrepreneurial mindset, because it's my ideas that advance this company, and it's my encouragement that can support him enough to get him to do it. 

	It's not actually sitting down and pounding out all the emails and going through the list and doing it all, lots of people can do those things.

Jaime:	But then you're going to go faster, go faster, that's not necessarily good either, right?

Dani:	Exactly. But I do think that there is a balance that Daniel just in being even more entrepreneurial than I am. Like, he comes up with ideas all the time. And he loves these ideas, and he wants to go out and do them and it so exciting. There is just this balance point that I hit that I say like: okay, yeah, let's give that a try. It's not going to distract us too much from accomplishing what the end goal is. So if that makes you happy, then I'm happy with you doing that.

Jaime:	That's huge to say. Because a lot of the times, I've heard it all, I think, in general, an entrepreneur that does have thousand ideas, which we do. It's crazy, like ADD, right?

Daniel:	Yes.

Jaime:	And whoever the partner is, is like not another one, or has this negative connotation like: oh, my gosh, I know it's going to go there again.

Dani:	No, exactly. That was a big deal for me, because I think in conversations with entrepreneurs, especially like we're so driven by talking about our dreams and our ideas, and we love it, and we relish it, but if you're really, usually in a relationship, one person is much more operational. Like, okay, I'm thinking about the steps of carrying that dream out, and right now I'm on overload, so you better be quiet now, right?

Jaime:	Exactly. Don't give me more to do, geez.

Dani:	Exactly. It's really easy to think that. And then one of my - one of my mentors told me, she's like, "Dani, unless he actually spends money on it, you don't really have to operationally think out all the steps that need to happen."

Daniel:	Or even worry about it.

Dani:	Right, that you just let him -

Daniel:	Because it might just be my outlet for the day.

Dani:	It's just an idea, and that's all it has to be. Like, I don't have to go through all the steps of it, unless he's spending money on it, then we talk more.

Daniel:	We escalate it to the next level.

Jaime:	But that's huge because, as somebody who is visionary, even this works with your team also. If you are one of those type of people that are like: I think we should do this, and maybe this, and maybe this. And it's not actually, like you didn't actually change the plan, you're just excited about things because you're like that.

Dani:	Right.

Jaime:	And then the whole team is like: oh, crap, now we have to re-change everything.

Dani:	Yes.

Jaime:	That's not really a great way to go. So Daniel, do you try and mitigate your ideas from telling them to her, or does she just know that if he spends money on it, then I actually have to think about it?

Daniel:	And this is, you know, it's a great topic because it definitely was more of like a stressful thing for her in the beginning. Because I'd be like you know what, I'm thinking about today is this, this, and this, and I'm just processing, flushing it out, and she's just like: oh, my gosh that sounds like so much work. And I'm not thinking of that at all, I'm thinking about there's a bazillion ways you can get something done. 

	So I throw less of them out, more so because I don't want to stress her out, but I still flush them out with her because it's just, you know, I also know that she is processing it different than she was before. But yeah, I'm definitely a little bit more like: you know, I'll keep that idea to myself because it just came into my head, like literally 30 seconds ago, so I'll think through that maybe a day or two more.

Jaime:	Everybody that's listening that's an entrepreneur is like: oh, I get that, okay, yes.

Daniel:	If it's still in my head in two days, then maybe it's a little bit serious.

Jaime:	So one of the things that kept coming up when I was doing research also is not to share everything. Because even if it's you lost the biggest client, and let's say your significant other is a 9:00 to 5:00er, and oh, my gosh what does that mean for me, and then down that whole path, even though we're supposed to share everything as a marriage, like you're my rock, I'm allowed to say what the shitty stuff that happens, and yet that can cause huge amounts of stress. 

Daniel:	Right.

Jaime:	So how do you guys mitigate, not that specific situation, but in general, the stresses that just happen with your - I mean, you have two different personality types, like you were saying.

Daniel:	Yeah, you know - I mean, we definitely - I think to a degree, I always tell her too, I'm like I'm happy that you came in when you did. Because, you know, coming at the very beginning, almost ten years ago, was more stressful for me, and I know that I would have been more of a stressful person to be with than coming in, and at least we're successful, we still have lots of challenges, but we're like surviving.

Dani:	More in the quality improvement phase, rather than the like complete startup. I don't know if we're going to have enough money to eat this month, you know.

Daniel:	Yeah.

Jaime:	And that makes it really difficult for any - so you have any advice, like thinking back if you did do that, knowing what you know now, what would you give advice for somebody, who is dealing with that startup? I mean, I've heard the stories, especially at that event. People came up to me after and they're like - I'm like, I don't, okay, I can't fix this for you.

Daniel:	Right.

Jaime:	Hopefully they're listening, right? How do we mitigate the crazy stress that can be startup time, and especially if it's not a brand new relationship, a pretty newer relationship, I'm assuming?

Daniel:	Right.

Dani:	Well, I would start by saying, especially if it's a startup, a woman, in my experience, cannot be supportive, unless we feel safe. So I think to decide as a couple what you're going to do and not do, before you're actually doing it. Like, for example, I'm not going to go out and get a loan on the house. Like, I'm not going to, to start this thing. 

	We're going to be willing to risk this much that we both agreed to, and I feel safe and comfortable with this number, before we either pivot, or before somebody gets a second job, so we have some type of financially safe plan in place before we're getting started. Because there's nothing wrong too, not everybody can be entrepreneurs working in the company all the time together. 

	That's not a reality for everybody, but again I go back to my other point of, my value to him as an entrepreneur is in my ideas and my support. And you can actually have a 9:00 to 5:00 job and still lend all your ideas and your support, and be as much mentally on the same page in getting that startup going.

Daniel:	Yeah.

Jaime:	Okay, I have to say to this to you, because that safety thing, this is what I tell - so as a female I'm allowed to say this, but women definitely need that safety so much, and I don't think that the guys realize this at all.

Daniel:	Yeah.

Jaime:	I have to be like: hey, by the way, all your wife wants is to feel safe, and you're taking her on this journey with you, and no wonder why she's not happy.

Daniel:	Right.

Dani:	Exactly, because men are going to be looking for that support, right? They're looking for that support. And we literally cannot give it, if we don't feel safe, when it creates so much conflict.

Daniel:	Yeah.

Jaime:	Well, I see women that are like: okay, like take a deep breath. That are like: okay, I will support you, even though that safety isn't totally there, and then it goes down the rabbit hole a little bit more and they're like never mind. You lost my support. I don't know what to tell you. And the guy is like, but you said I had the support.

Daniel:	Right.

Dani:	Yes.

Jaime:	So I've seen this probably many, many, many times. So besides the conversation of the safety thing to begin with, and maybe this is for you Daniel, what can the guy do to make sure that this doesn't happen to him also?

Daniel:	Yeah. I mean, I think there's, because you got the financial element, which is one of the biggest pieces to why a startup is stressful, but I think then you also have the other elements, which are just feeling like I can't stop working until this is a success. I'm working 12 hours a day. So there are just a lot of potential conflict points for a relationship in a startup, or even in just entrepreneurship in general, but especially with a startup. And so I think it has to be dialed down. 

	I always tell entrepreneurs, you know, create - so you have a goal, and you goal is I want to make X dollars a month, or something, and then I know I can live off this thing. Well, that's kind of like one random goal way off there in the future, but you've got to have a weekly and daily goal, as to what am I going to do today? And if that conversation, you know, maybe you figure out what those are. If you're not together in the business, maybe you're figuring out what those are separately. 

	Having that conversation with your significant other, and getting their buy-in to this is how I am going to approach this business. I am going to try and accomplish these things each day to move the needle forward, some days may be a little bit longer than others, but this is what I'm doing. And then it starts to systematize it a little bit, because so many entrepreneurs are not systematized. They're just throwing spaghetti at a wall and hoping something sticks, and this is very scary, for anybody, because it like? 

	You know, but if you have a system, maybe you've gotten it from a coach, or you have some experience that you can bring together, but you have a system, and you don't know for sure it's going to work, but at least it's a system. It creates a parameter that's like a job that gives your life some structure, and it doesn't just steamroll and derails your whole rest of your life.

Jaime:	That's exactly what the wife is worried about, right?

Daniel:	Right. You lose your husband or your wife.

Jaime:	And that's what unfortunately, sometimes that's how they, whoever the significant other is sees it. And that's really rough because then you're pitting relationship versus business, and then one or the other has to lose, and that sucks, too. You know, especially if they're both important to you, you're screwed no matter what.

Daniel:	Yes.

Jaime:	So what sort of tactic day to day, or advice do you have to try and - especially like you were saying the emotional bank, what do you guys do that really feeds each other, so that way we can get tips.

Dani:	Well, literally Daniel is an amazing cook. I mean, men that cook that will take you far, right?

Jaime:	Look at his face.

Dani:	I mean, we always eat dinner together. I'm a big wine enthusiast, so we do have a time in the evening typically where we do turn it off. Like, we're eating dinner together; we're focusing on different things. What are your thoughts?

Daniel:	I would say that -

Jaime:	No phone sat the dinner table?

Daniel:	You know, we typically will have them still, but it's like only for Snapchat or Instagram. We try to keep it just light.

Jaime:	Because like this dinner is so amazing, we totally have to take pictures of this.

Daniel:	Got to snap it.

Jaime:	Okay, good.

Dani:	Yeah, we need to be doing the bunny filter right now.

Daniel:	Right.

Dani:	So at least it's a group activity, I guess.

Jaime:	Okay, Daniel, I cut you off, go ahead, what are your things?

Daniel:	I think pursuing and creating space for each other's lifestyle desires. So for example, we have different - I like to get up early, she like to sleep in. I know a lot of couples, those types of schedules drive each other crazy. You know, one person is watching television, and the other wants them to come to bed, and you just create conflict. To me, you kind of have to create space for your spouse to be able to be them.

Dani:	Like, the rhythm.

Daniel:	Yeah. And not - look at all the places where you have conflict and go how can I maybe look at this differently, so that it's not conflict. Because I think the more conflict you have, it's like little needles, and it's like the more little needles you have in a relationship, the more it just sucks. And besides, maybe you can survive you relationship, who wants to do that? Who wants to get to be 80 years old and be like: well, we made it, that sucked. So to me it's like, let's figure out how do we make this enjoyable?

	How do I allow you to enjoy the lifestyle you like? You like to sleep in, that's fine. I'll get up and do my thing, and you get up and what you do, or whatever it is. And creating that space and trying to minimize conflict. Conflict can be good, but so many times, especially with our significant other, we find ways to have conflict over everything. And there are just little needles that over time, just makes the relationship suck. And so I think that's really important, because that way again, you're making deposits in the relationship. 

	It's like a bank account, and the more you're depositing into it, you can have those withdrawals. You can have bad days as an entrepreneur. You can have failures, big failures, and your spouse is standing with you, because you've invested into the relationship and that person. And they're able to stand with you through the really hard times.

Jaime:	So tell me how to make those needles not hurt. Because let's say it's a sleeping in thing, if it annoys you that she sleeps in all time, how do you make yourself not annoyed that she sleeps in? And I'm not saying there's true for you guys, but you know what I mean? If there are these little conflict needles, how do you lessen the attachment to that?

Daniel:	That's a great question. I'll share my experience, for me, I literally will ask myself, why am I feeling this way about this situation? And literally take a step back, why am I feeling this way? And I'm a Christian, so I'll pray about it. And I'll ask God, you know, help me to understand to myself. You know, because we all have idiosyncrasies, you know what I mean? That's why people are the most challenging things on the planet earth, because we all don't know why we are the way we are. 

	I don't know why that I don't like that light on, but I don't want it on, or whatever. And you're like man, if you would just like chill out, everybody would be fine. That's why we're in wars all the time. So for me it's like intra perception, really looking at myself, and then trying to say, how can I look at this differently, and really genuinely try to do that. 

	Because to me, it's valuing the relationship over my idiosyncrasies, so it's like I've got to get over this. And not just suppress it, because suppression just makes you bitter, that does not work.

Jaime:	That was the exact point of the question, exactly. Because it's one thing to be like: oh, I'm okay with it. And then every time she does it there's a little prick still, and you're like: oh, still there. And it's very, very different than if you're actually okay with it.

Daniel:	Yeah, suppression is very common, and I think it's righteous suppression. Like, well, I've been tolerating this for 20 years. I haven't said anything. I have kept my mouth shut, but I am filing for divorce. And you're like: well, then it obviously wasn't a good strategy the whole damn time.

Jaime:	Exactly. Well, we don't even realize that we're doing it, and that's the thing that's crazy. You're like oh, huh, who knew? I could have actually enjoyed my life, if I could have let go. But most people don't either know that they're doing it, number one, like the awareness step, until it gets to be too much, or they know that they're doing it, and they're like, but this the only solution, this is what we do, and then they're miserable also. 

Daniel:	Right.

Jaime:	So relationships in all this is so crazy because it's so much more, in entrepreneurship in general, there's so much to be in it anyway. Not only the stuff that you're doing, but emotionally, am I good enough? Is this going to work? All sorts of craziness, and adding to it with a relationship, which also has all those crazy things, like you're exponentially making the crazy. And so being able to especially bring some of those needles into potential business situations: oh, this morning you didn't wake up, or whatever happens, and then it affects your business, that's huge. 

	And that's why a lot of people don't want to get into business together. So how do you guys - because I know there's probably little needles in general, while as good as you are at probably getting rid of most of them.

Daniel:	Yeah, we're not perfect.

Jaime:	You look perfect from the outside for sure.

Daniel:	She does.

Jaime:	With that being said, how do you deal with something from the personal life like bleeding over into the business side?

Dani:	Well, I would say when it comes to little needles and things; I didn't expect this as much before jumping into the company fulltime. But when I was in the company full time, all of a sudden, I did feel like I was better included on like the big picture, and what the day to day stressors really are. Because all of a sudden being not involved in the company, his stress definitely became my stress. 

	So I think when you're running a successful business, like I just don't have any more bandwidth to care if he wants to go to bed early, or get up early, or smoke a cigar occasionally, like those little things in light of the, are we going to meet our goals, is this going to be a big problem, are we giving adequate care to people, are we living up to our mission, like all of a sudden when that becomes your focus, that has to put into perspective how little the little things really are. So that's honestly a benefit for people that haven't done it in my opinion.

Jaime:	I really like that.

Daniel:	Yeah.

Jaime:	So you put your marriage first and the little crappy personal things aren't important because your business goals are, and then all the little crappy things are way down here. That's actually kind of sounds perfect. Now everybody is going to jump on the bandwagon. What were you going to say, Daniel?

Daniel:	Well, I think too, I think people also; they minimize the power of the stressful things in their life that hangs over their business and their personal life. And so they go out there, and they have a bunch of car loans, and they buy a house that they really can't quite afford, and they have credit card debt, and then they go out to eat all the time because they're trying to have a nice time with their wife, but that's actually causing tons of stress because they can't even afford these restaurants. 

	And so what happens is we make decisions trying to solve one desire, or maybe a problem, or a need, or a whatever, we don't even know exactly why we do them, we just do, and then what ends up happening is that stress really starts to weight heavily on our business and on our relationship, and so all those little needles just magnify themselves. You know, you have a short wick, you don't have a lot of tolerance, you don't have a lot of grace or patience. 

	And so I think we have to start looking at our life - I mean, I encourage people to write down like the top ten things that give you stress, and decide are any of these things I can get rid of in my life, or do I have to have all of them? And you might go, well, I can get rid of four of them. And man, that make sour relationship better and everything. So it's just starting to really become the architect of your life, instead of becoming the victim of where you ended up, you know?

Jaime:	Anybody in business, regardless of whether their wife or husband works with them, or relationship wise, they should do that anyway. Because people so think that entrepreneurship is so volatile, and I'm like it doesn't have to be. I mean, we can mitigate a lot of this stuff. And you think it's just the way it has to be, but you're a problem solver. You can figure out most of this. And then giving yourself that permission instead of being the victim, I adore that. 

	I know we have to start wrapping up soon. You guys are fantastic. I love you guys. So can you tell me - so I'm going to ask you - I'm trying to determine if I'm going to ask one on each, but I think I am, so be prepared, because I didn't give her the question too far in advance. So I'm going to make Daniel go first. What is one action listeners can take this week to move forward in their goal of a million? And then we'll do Dani after, ha ha.

Daniel:	I think the one thing that people can do that I think all entrepreneurs should do on a regular basis, a semi regular basis, is figuring out what is your one thing that you're going to focus on to grow your business and to grow your life? Entrepreneurs are very notoriously known to be easily distractible, and very much visionaries, and seeing opportunities and wanting to run for them. And a wise person once told me that often times it's less talented people that are far more successful in life, because they have less options. 

	And it sounds almost derogatory to that person, but it's not in the context that with less options, they zone in on what they are good at doing, or what are they're passionate about, and they don't give up. And they do it over five, and ten, and 15, and 20, and 25 years. And when they hit something that's hard or roadblocks, they don't give up. They just keep going. 

	Whereas, talented people, very, very talented people, often times will go: you know what, but this door opened, and this person wants me to go to this, and I could do that, and I could start this business, and this person wants me to run for the Governor's office, and then I could go over here. And you maybe moderately successful in many rights still, but I think often times we lose out on maximum success, because we're not just focused. And it's like the tortoise and the hare story. 

	You know, the hare is often times just running around like an entrepreneur, and the tortoise is just steady. And I think if we can learn something as entrepreneurs from the tortoise, what is the one thing that you feel called to do? What is the one thing that you're most passionate about? And stick it out, as long as you possibly can, and you will be far more successful than you can even imagine.

Jaime:	So smart. And all the entrepreneurs are going, darn it. No, because they know it's true. They know it's true. Alright, Dani, what do you have for your one thing?

Dani:	I essentially just want to add to what Daniel said, business saying I would just take it even a step further, by truly making it a point to discuss whatever that focus, that mission is. To actually sit down with your spouse and literally write it out, like talk through those goals, and get them on paper, whether your spouse is involved in your company or not, because you're in it together, no matter what. You are, if you're an entrepreneur and you're married, you're a marriedpreneur. You guys have to be focused on the same vision and the same goals. 

	And it's really easy to just be kind of going on your own road, and going down your own path, and just start operating on different spheres, but there is so much benefit in talking through these things and working together. And I just encourage people to find that potential, because it's there, it's waiting for you, you just have to tap into it.

Jaime:	I think that's genius, the clarity of communication that people just assume isn't necessary, and it totally is to get everybody on the same page. You guys are fantastic. Where do we find out more about you, your website, so they can sign up and stay tuned to all the cool stuff that you're doing?

Daniel:	Yeah. Well, we love to invite you to come to our website, danielanddani.com. And my wife is D-A-N-I, so danielanddani.com. And then we also have a private Facebook group at marriedpreneurs.net. And so we're just creating a community of entrepreneurs and spouses, whether or not you work together or you don't, but you're in just business together because you're married. 

	And we just want to invite people to talk, to enter a community kind of around that topic, so it's marriedpreneurs.net. And we also have a free guide on our website that you can download; it's how to work well together with your spouse, without killing each other. So it's just a free download, you can check it out at danielanddani.com.

Jaime:	This is so needed, because everybody kept telling me to talk about this. I'm like this is not my thing. I do not talk about this. I will send everybody to you guys.

Daniel:	Awesome.

Jaime:	So thank you so much for coming on the show today. I really, really appreciate it.

Daniel:	Thanks, Jaime.

Dani:	Thank you so much, Jaime.

Tags: business and marriage, business goals, business with your spouse, Dani Stringer, Daniel and Dani Stringer, Daniel Stringer, emotional health, entrepreneur podcast, go to market strategy, how to be a leader, jaime masters, jaime tardy, Marriedpreneurs, millionaire entrepreneurs, resolve serious conflict, top entrepreneurs

Categories: All, Business Partnerships, Featured Millionaire Interview, Millionaire Interviews, Personal Development

Hi I’m Jaime. Each and every week I bring you the top business advice from the people who know best.

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