How to Have An Exceptional Life With Briana Borten

Co-author of The Well Life, Certified Ayurvedic Specialist, Peace Engineer and CEO of The Dragontree – Briana Borten

Why it’s not enough to achieve goals or focus on body and mind if you want a remarkable life. (You need this other thing too!) If you’re an entrepreneur and relying on structure you might be setting yourself up for failure unless you amend your structure with this tiny “fix”. What does space has to do with your exceptional life? (Discover why Briana swears by it!) This one simple thing you need to do to become instantly more creative. (It is so counterintuitive that most people never even consider it.)

Check out TheWellLifeBook.com for more info.

Thanks so much for listening!

Transcript: Download

[00:06:00] 

Jamie:	Welcome to Eventual Millionaire. I am Jamie Masters. And today on the show we have my amazing friend Briana Borten back again. She just came out with a brand new book called The Well Life, which I'm so excited to dive into today. Welcome to the show again, Briana.

Briana:	Thank you so much for having me, Jamie. I love -

Jamie:	Is this like your third time?

Briana:	I think it's my third time. I just like apparently love your audience.

Jamie:	Which is insane, I think that's more than anybody else has been on the show, just so you know. I'm just saying, you might special or something like that.

Briana:	Good.

Jamie:	Can we go down the path of what is The Well Life? Why is this book important? And when it comes out; all that fun stuff?

Briana:	Yeah, so The Well Life is important because we - well, how we came about to write this book in the first place is that Peter and myself - Peter is my husband for anyone out there that doesn't know - Peter's my husband and we wrote this book together. 

[00:07:00] 	And one of the things that we saw a lot with our clients was that they really enjoyed their experience with us when they were at the spa, or they really enjoyed like getting, you know, teachings from us to help with their daily lives. And they were feeling like they were using these things to implement creating balance. But as soon as they weren't using them, they didn't have a way of knowing how to create balance in their own lives, like in a sustainable way. 

	And we felt like well, we're kind of failing you then, because this is pretty important. And also we really noticed that it isn't just about like our physical health, it isn't just about even our mental health; we have to be able to go out and create lives that light success up and to really be able to get goals, and know how to do that in a sustainable way so that we're not grinding ourselves down until, you know, we might get our goal, but we don't have any friends left; we haven't seen our spouses in like six months. 

[00:08:00] 	So we decided to write this book because it really opened us up to being like, well, what does whole wellness look like? Like, it's not just having a healthy body and mind, and it's not just getting your goals; it's the combination of all these things that really creates a well life. And now that we've redefined it, how can we teach that to people? And we've come up with a system to teach it to people through using three elements of structure, sweetness, and space, in order to help create that in all area of your life. So throughout the book we use this framework in order to help teach people how to do that.

Jamie:	I love the way that you set up it up, too. Because structure we all hear about that all the time, and space we hear about that all the time,. Sweetness isn't usually in the whole - especially on the business side that we care so much about. We hear about self care, but I really like the way that you talk about this. So let's go ahead and dive into the parts, those specifically, and how we can actually implement them?

[00:09:00]

Briana:	Yeah, so like you were saying, structure is something I feel like especially in the business world we hear about a lot. You know, you need to have structures in order to get from point A to point B. And not just structure, you need to have a healthy structure that is sustainable and going to work. And so our structures provide that in our lives in so many ways. They get us to our goals. They make it so that we have a plan throughout the day. They make it so that, you know, even our buildings can be constructed, so this all structure. 

	It's really useful. It's super important. And an area that a lot of us, especially entrepreneurs, kind of have a little bit more down pat, I don't know if it's always healthy but we always usually have some structure. There are a lot of people out there that don't have a lot of structure. You know, a lot of like the massage therapists that work for me, I feel like a lot of them are kind of like in this very - they have like a lot of space; they don't have a lot of structure to their lives. And I see that it's missing for some people, but it's healthy structure that's missing for a lot of people.

Jamie:	That's a key distinction, though. Because it's funny, as entrepreneurs we're like: oh, structure, yes, we have it. 
 [00:10:00	And you're like healthy structure. What's the definition, though, between structure versus healthy structure?


Briana:	Well, one of the things that I really love about? especially like the Dallas philosophy, it's like you can have a structure that's like rigid and firm, and it's like get up, going to do it. But then if anything happens to that, it breaks. And so a healthy structure actually has to be strong but very flexible. Like, you can't be like if I don't have it this way, then everything's out the door. It has to be able to like move with the times, and you have to be able to be flexible, and it also has to support all the areas of your life. 

	Like, you can't just have a structure for getting your goals and feel like that's healthy. If it doesn't include these other areas of your life? because you aren't going to be happy if at the end of your life all you've created is like a million dollars. You just aren't going to be. You can ask anyone ever that's created a million dollars; they're like that's not the thing that makes me happy. So you have to make sure that you're creating it from like a very holistic view and a healthy structure does that.
[00:11:00] 

Jamie:	I need to do that; yes, go.

Briana:	So, I mean, I think that healthy structure, I mean, I've wrote a whole book about it, so I'm like I don't know if I can explain it in like a short amount of time.

Jamie:	Explain it all now, go.

Briana:	Explain it all right now, fast. But definitely, you know looking at it and making sure that it feels sustainable, like really long term. And I think a lot of us live in a little bit of a fantasy world around what's sustainable. So is it really sustainable for you to work 12 hours a day? It's actually not. If you think that that's true, I'm here to like break it to you that that's not sustainable in your life. Like, we need to be more honest about what's working and not working. And I think that really a lot of that requires self inquiry, and also the use of space and sweetness, and so that all of the elements really work together to create healthy parts in all of them. So the next element is space. 

[00:12:00] 	And space is, you know, it's actually something I feel like a lot of us don't value that much because it's like why is it important for - like, we get why it's important to have structure because it gets us from like A to B, but the space is actually what gives that room, like gives the structures room to play with. And also it's where all of our creativity comes from. So you can't really be creative when you have like two seconds to do it. 

	It's like the spaciousness that creativity, innovation, imagination, all live in this like - like the ethers, and they come down to us when we have an opening for it. And that opening can be created by meditation, it can be created by prayer, it can be created by walking in the woods, it can be created by actually just legitly doing nothing, but it has to be created. 

[00:13:00] 	And you have to put that into your structure to have space. Because most of us entrepreneurs - other people it's different, but because I know I'm talking to entrepreneurs, I'm like I know that probably most of you have a structure, but you have to put the space in there so that you are actually planning this time to have creativity flow through you. And it's so proven by like the fact that like sometimes when you have a problem, you know, you're like trying very hard to figure it out with your mind, you're like going to figure it out. 

	And then you're like, I can't figure it out; I'm just going to go on a walk around the block. And voila, we know the answer. And this is because we actually need space in order for the correct, the right next move to come to us. And so a lot of times we aren't giving that to ourselves, and then we are ending up with just like repeating what we're already doing rather than innovating. And that's why I think it's so important to have space in our lives. It also is like where we connect to God, and our higher spirit, or the divine, or whatever you want to call it. 

[00:14:00] 	And I think that we actually get a lot of strength from that. And I know that for me when I'm disconnected from that, then I don't have as much strength in myself to like follow through, to do the things to be my purpose and mission in the world. And so I value it highly in my spiritual practice because if I don't do that, I end up being miserable, actually. Like, I just am like sad and depressed and I feel like - or I get like really stressed out about stupid little shit that I'm like, that is not important. But we think it's so important when you don't have the space to have perspective.

Jamie:	Perspective, yes. Well, and that's the funny thing. I agree that we as entrepreneurs feel like we have to put something in everything. So my goal this year "you know me very well - was space because I didn't feel like I had - like, when you know you're going down the path of no space, it starts to get more, I don't know, like rigid, like you're saying. And when you open it up, you're like: oh, my gosh I need this, and actually to be more efficient long term, instead of trying to do it all in two seconds and solve every problem in the world. It just makes you absolutely miserable.

[00:15:00]

Briana:	And it also makes you, like you were saying, incredibly inefficient. And so I think that a lot of times that's the thing that we're like: oh, like, meditation, who has time for that? You're like, who doesn't, actually? The busier you are, the more you need to meditate because it actually opens everything up so you have more time. I know it sounds, like, ridiculous, but it actually works.

Jamie:	Okay, so I'm a huge proponent of meditation, so I know that if I don't meditate, I can tell. Like, I am way more agitated; even my team I think I can tell. Like, I had one ask once, "Did you meditate today?" I was like I didn't. I didn't actually meditate; how could you tell? Darn it! But noticing those things I think are hugely important. And I don't feel like entrepreneurs ever put their focus on space because, you know, there's only so much time and we have to get it all done now. We are an impatient group so much. So how do we actually put it in our world? Because we have to say no to stuff and that's really difficult for some of us.

[00:16:00]

Briana:	Yeah, I know.

Jamie:	Briana knows me all too well.

Briana:	So I think part of it is that there has to be a value set there. And I think often, like even in our communities, we value being like oh, they're hustling, they're like killing it, they're like blah, blah, blah. You're like, really? So they're basically miserable and you're valuing this at like a very high level. Like, I don't understand why we're doing that to each other. And we'll be like, I'm busy, and like this business gets out of so many things, it's like: well, I didn't do it because I'm busy. And so we're using it as kind of like this protective mechanism, rather than being like I didn't want to, which is actually probably the truth. So let's just be honest. If you really wanted to, you would have been doing it instead of being like, I'm busy all the time. Make a choice. Like be in choice around your own activities. And so I also think that yes, you have to say no to some things. You have to know your value sets.

[00:17:00]	We go through a lot of this in the book. Like you can't just start willy-nilly saying no to things; you have to have your core values and be running things through them, and see what lands on top. And those things that land on top, you do those things. And the things that don't, you cut those things out. Because we have to have a way of evaluating what we're going to do and not do. And if we don't use our value sets to do that, we can end up doing a lot of work and not being with our family, or we can end up getting a million dollars but never having helped the group of people that we actually care to help. 

And so we have to very clearly define what our values are, what we're going for, what our purpose is and then that really shows you where you - what you need to do, where you can cut, and where you can create more space. I think the other thing is you have to just do it for awhile. It's kind of like exercise. It so sucks at first. You're like oh, I don't want to do it. But then you start to see how powerful it is.

[00:18:00] 	You start to see how it changes your life. You start to see how you can't live without it, and then you don't have to think so hard about getting it into your schedule. Because you're like of course I'm going to do that today because otherwise I'm going to be a raging lunatic. So there you go.

Jamie:	So you answered the question that I was going to ask, which I love because that's the piece of it; how do we actually have it be typical of something that we do. Because we are given so many inputs. Make decisions on this, make decisions on this; it is difficult for us to go: does this go by my core values? Most of the time we're just always on and not consciously making the choice that we want to. So I love the fact that you're like just freaking do it for awhile and then it will eventually sink in, and then you don't have to hold yourself so rigidly to what that is, right?

Briana:	Yeah, definitely. I also think the more we meditate, the more we get into that space; the more we can easily tap into that for ourselves. I remember actually one time we were having a conversation with our master mind and everyone was like, how do you know when you're in balance? 

[00:19:00] 	And I'm like because when I'm not in balance, I feel like shit. I can feel it in my body. I'm like nuh-uh, that's not good. But it took a long time to get there, you know. It's like now it's a feeling. But you have to keep going back to that feeling and tapping into that feeling again and again and again and again. And then pretty soon, it's like where you're living from. You're starting to live from that place and then it becomes a lot less hard.

Jamie:	It's funny because we talked about this a lot, too. Like in general, I negate feelings. And so when you're like: oh, do you feel crappy? I don't know. Well, that's horrible. [Inaudible] started to integrate that a little bit more and start asking yourself the question, like how does this make you feel? And that's the only reason why I - I've been meditating for ten years but it's on and off forever. And then I started realizing, wait, I actually feel better when I meditate. Who knew? Like, it took me forever to actually get that, which is so sad. It takes some of us a little bit longer. 

[00:20:00] 	But as we're going through, it's the feelings that are actually guiding us to where we're going. And what is hard for some entrepreneurs to sort of see, because we're very not touchy-feely. We're like we want structure, and we want goal setting, and we want rigid, and this is what we do to actually tap into how do I feel about this right now. How do we do that' Before we get into the sweetness side, how can we actually tap in and ask ourselves that question if we typical don't do that?

Briana:	Yeah, I think it's a matter of practice. This is like being like how do I lift a hundred-pound dumbbell if I've never done it before? You're like well, you don't just do that. You have to lift the ten-pound one a couple times, and then the 20-pound one like a billion times. So you work yourself up to it. But it is a practice. It's a muscle and it's a memory of - I think it's actually remembering. It's not like you're learning; you're actually remembering how to feel. And I think that asking yourself that question a lot helps. So you start to just say, like, how does this make me feel? Or how did I feel about that, or how does this person make me feel?

[00:21:00] 	So that you can start tapping into your intuition. Because it's there; you just learned how to cover it up. Especially so many men. Women, too, but it's just more typical of men because our culture is guiding them more in that direction. And so I think that just to say how does that make me feel, it doesn't mean you have to act on all your feelings. But just asking the questions makes you start lifting that weight. And then pretty soon you're like, oh I have a feeling about how this is going in my body. 

We have a bunch of meditations on our site, too, where we go through kind of like a meditation where you're guided to see what is happening in your body. Because our bodies are such huge vessels of information for ourselves, where we're like - I don't know. When something's not good for me, my stomach hurts so bad. I'm like oh, this is like not good. And so many times people feel that but they're just - it's not because of a feeling.

[00:22:00] 

Jamie:	No correlation, yeah.

Briana:	And I'm like, why? You've eaten the same thing you've always eaten; why would you feel that way? So it's like starting to feel that in our bodies when you start to tense up. You know you do because you have tense muscles. Like you can feel them later. So you definitely have tense muscles; how do you think that happened? So like starting to feel it as it's happening so that you can start tapping into that intuition that's within us. And also just giving ourselves that feedback so we can start to understand what is working for us and what isn't working for us.

Jamie:	And that I feel like is an evolutionary process where once you start doing that, you can actually get - like I told you - I think I said this before on my podcast, where I had a list of feelings. Because I was like, I don't know which one. So I'd randomly like look at it and be like, I think it might be that one, maybe. I'm not really sure. Which is kind of sad, I get it. But it's actually trained me to go the next time I feel that, that kind of correlates to this and what is the reason behind that, which I have never really gone done before.

[00:22:59]	And it has been so enlightening to be like: oh, when I do this, this happened. Oh, interesting; when I meditate, I feel really amazing. Who knew? Maybe I should do that more?

[Crosstalk]	I had one of those apps, like how are you feeling? But again, I'm coming from probably the far end of most people. But it's something that, like you said, you just keep going and going and going. And as long as you're putting it in because you know you're feeling better, then it makes it way easier to do. Instead of going: I have to do this because Briana told me to, which is not?

Briana:	Yes, but you to start that way but then [inaudible] because you feel like you want to. No, but I mean we do that with our children. You know, we teach them emotions, like with the cards. I don't know if you have those feely cards.

Jamie:	I do now.

Briana:	This is the emotion -

Jamie:	I use them, too.

Briana:	I love it. And I think that we start there because we're like, what's your most - is it - but eventually I feel like we can just be like this feels like this in my body; how is that? And it doesn't have to always be, you know, like for instance, when I have a feeling of slight stress I actually correlate it with excitement.

[00:24:03]	And so people are often like, you're never stressed. I'm like, I'm just excited. And they're like, but you feel like - doesn't that feel stressful? And I'm like, oh no, it feels like this. And they're like, that's what stress feels like to me. And so just because something is like a vibration that feels a certain way to a lot of people, you can correlate it however you want to. So starting to feel like oh, no, this vibration for me I'm going to correlate this way. And you can make some choices. This may be a little bit more advanced then just like the feely cards, but you know, it also is really useful.

Jamie:	Okay. I think that's so important because you have to start on the feely cards, which I've done. But then there's nuances, too; every single one of those cards which goes different directions. So out of your comfort zone, to me also is exciting even though to many people getting outside of your comfort zone, it's like oh, that's not good. I remember when I was little and I had scrapes - and this is what I tell my children. Like if you're getting scrapes, that means you're doing something awesome. Come on, that's not a bad thing; that's an amazing thing.

[00:25:00]	So now when they get scrapes, they're like: look, Mom, I got a scrape. And I'm like: awesome, great job. So we can actually really change based on different things, which I think is hugely important in entrepreneurship with the up and down roller coaster that we choose to ride on, right?

Briana:	Right. It's really useful. It's actually one o the places I find it the most useful for myself. Because correlating the slight sense of stress not just with excitement but I have this unrealistic link to it that somebody's about to give me a bunch of money. Like, I don't know why it's like correlated in my brain.

Jamie:	Oh my gosh, that's amazing.

Briana:	So I'll be like -

Jamie:	We need to make everybody get that.

[Crosstalk] 	I want you to make that correlation for every single person in my audience. They're going to love you. But valid point; you've probably been conditioned that way, right?

Briana:	Yeah, I mean I conditioned myself that way, I think. Because I?m like, you know, I don't - not that I try to avoid negative feels but I think in entrepreneurship, you're stressed so often. And like if it's not a stress, it is like life or death, which I definitely have a differentiator there.

[00:26:00] 	If you correlate something good, then you keep a positive attitude and I think it actually reacts in your body a different way, and therefore your business a different way.

Briana:	Yes, like I know the quote, do something that scares you every single day. Well, if it actually scares you and you feel crappy every single day because of that, well who the heck wants to do that? But if you associate it like Briana does with "oh, I might get money," then yeah, that's a way different way of going about the fear-type setting, right?

Briana:	Yeah, definitely.

Jamie:	Okay so keep going because I want to hear about the sweetness stuff, too. Because I love this piece and I think that's really, really important. But let's get onto the juicy sweetness because you talk about this a lot. I feel like you embody this almost more than anybody else that I know as a human being. Because you really are looking for these sweet spots so tell me more about how we do that.

Briana:	So sweetness is the element of - it's actually enjoyment. Like you know, whether that's being with your kids, or having a picnic with wine, or going sailing.

[00:27:03]	Everyone is different and our sweetness all looks a little bit different. For me, it's like being with my family, going on dates, being with my girlfriends, drinking wine and having a beautiful meal. These are all the ways in which I experience sweetness in my life. And I think that so many of us kind of think I'm just gonna push through until I - I don't know - retire or die? I'm not sure what we're looking for here.

Jamie:	Something's on the other side. No, I know! Yes.

Briana:	And when I get there, things are gonna be magical. And I'm like well, it may or may not be. You could die later today. That's actually like just a valid point. But hopefully you don't. I mean, honestly.

Jamie:	This is going so way different than I thought [inaudible].

Briana:	I'm the same. Because if we push off sweetness, which is what so many of us do until later, then we never get to experience it now. I worked with my mom in her hospice for quite awhile volunteering.

[00:28:00]	And no one has ever really, like, damn, I wish I would have spent less time with my family. Or shit, I wish I would have like spent more time working, or more time stressed out about things. Everyone is like I wish I had done the things I enjoy more. Because we are conditioned that we work, we sleep, and then if we're lucky, maybe we have sex once in awhile. But that is to life.

Jamie:	It's sad.

Briana:	Life can be how we want it to be. And we get to decide. And it's not just about adding those sweet things into your life really regularly which totally nourish you on the level that you have - if you do it regularly, you'll feel like oh my gosh, I'm so nourished. And you feel so much stronger, and you have a huger reservoir for actually making major things happen in your life. But not only that, it's not just about the things; it's also about bringing sweetness to every interaction. So even when I'm working, I think all the time like how can I bring more sweetness into this that I'm doing right now?

[00:29:01]	Because I am going to work, and I love my work. And so how can I make more sweetness in this interaction? How can I make more sweetness with my employees? How can I make more sweetness while I write this email? So sometimes that means just an attitude change. Sometimes that means I'm going to drink my favorite chai while I do this and light a candle so that there's this environment that makes me feel really nourished while I do it. And especially I do that when I have to do Excel spreadsheets because I don't know how to make that enjoyable for myself. 

Like I don't know how to be like loving this, unless I'm gonna listen to some nice music. Sometimes I'll even drink a glass of win - after 5 - and do my Excel spreadsheets and it's much more enjoyable, until I've had two glasses of wine; no more Excel spreadsheets. Then I just have to [inaudible]. Yeah, no more. But I do think it's really important that we not only - even as we're doing the dishes, I like to even make a little ritual out of that.

[00:30:00] 	To be like what am I letting go through this? How can I enjoy this more? How can I feel like the warm water on my hand? How an I listen to music that I enjoy? So all of this can just feel so much sweeter because it's available to everyone all the time; we're just not making the choice.

Jamie:	What's so enlightening, and I feel like - and you know me, but we've been through this process. I remember way back when when I was the martyr. And I would be like, I don't have anything to look forward to. I'd have to look forward to something on the weekend. And even though I liked my work, I was guilt-ridden and all sorts of other stuff. And then as soon as you make the trajectory to be like oh, how can I have enjoyment today, right now; it opens up. I do the exact, same thing. It opens up a world of weight. I can actually allow myself, give myself the permission to actually enjoy this. 

I don't have to be the busy person that's running around like a chicken with my head cut off. It's been hugely enlightening and I think you've been really helpful for me in lots of these pieces. Of going oh, how can I just get a little - squeeze the juice out of this moment right now.

[00:31:00] 	Do you have any tips for anybody, especially for somebody that hasn't gone down this journey at all and this is brand, freaking new to them to actually do this in their lives daily? Or not necessary even daily, because that's a lot to ask.

Briana:	That's not a lot to ask. You should enjoy every fucking day of your life. And if you're not, then I'm like please call me; we're going to have a conversation and talk about how to make you enjoy every day. Every day is a gift. And just imagine, like if you were to die tomorrow, what would you have missed out on today from not living it? And I know that that's like morbid. But I think it's because I got - I was very faced with life and death at 18. 

Every day since then, I've been like no way, I'm not wasting my day. And I'm not going to waste any moments. Not that I'm never upset; I definitely am. But they are like quick; like I get upset fast and done, and then I can move on to be enjoying my life again.

[00:32:04]	Because I'm totally in control. So I think that one of the tips I would give is to like get to choice, and be in control. I think so often we want to take our pleasure and our enjoyment of life and kind of put it on somebody else. Like my wife should be providing that for me, or my husband should, or my friend should. Like no one needs to provide anything for you. No one needs to invite you to parties, no one needs to ask you out on a date. You have to do this for yourself. You have to go out there and stop making it anyone else's fault that you're not enjoying your life and start taking control. 

Take control of it, make a list of things you enjoy doing, and doing it every day. And I also just think like having a practice, like this is how space moves into sweetness. If you have a practice where you're connecting to whatever it is you want to connect to, whether it's measure, or your higher self or God or whatever, that brings so much more sweetness into the rest of your life.

[00:33:04]	I think because we are less like this, like oh, my God, everything is horrible; oh, my God, everything is great. Oh, my God, everything is horrible; oh, my God, everything is great. We start to be a little bit more centered and start to feel like everything is actually okay. Like we have literal fires in my business. And I'm like meh, it's okay; life just goes on, you know? Don't get so on the edges. When you start being here more, you start to choose sweetness more. 

Because you start to see, you know what, none of this is like - it's just not that big of a deal and we can really be in choice about how we interact with the world. And the more we bring our sweetness, even though it's no one else's responsibility to make your life sweet, they do. Like I noticed that in my own life, people smile - people are like, people are mean. I'm like, people are so nice to me all the time.

[00:34:00] 	People treat me nicely, people smile at me, people buy me dinner randomly. It happens all the time. And it's not like I'm like, I'm super special. I do this for other people. I buy people dinner, like random people at restaurant. I buy people coffee that I don't know. I smile at everyone. So if you think that you're waiting for the world to give you validation that it's a good world, you have to start putting that out there. And as soon as you start putting it out there, you start receiving that back. And this is what creates the most fundamental element of sweetness.

Jamie:	It's funny because I just went this weekend to one of my best friend's birthday parties. We were given free meals, I got free parking; we got so many free things, it was so magical. But I have a question. Because we started talking about sweetness and how important it is. And now I feel like I do have that - not the morbid part of it but the "I know I'm going to die eventually, maybe tomorrow so I want as much sweetness as humanly possible."

[00:35:01]	So I love interviews. I love doing this. There are so many things that I love doing that I overpack all of the sweetness into - and then I'm going to go relax and take a bath, and then I'm going to do this, and then I'm going to do this. Because I am that person. So how do I make sure I don't cross the line into trying to overpack sweetness into what I'm doing, too? Does that make sense?

Briana:	Yeah. Because you have to - you specifically need to schedule space in your life. Like, you just have to schedule more space. And I think that once you do that, you'll start to see that the sweet things actually - you have more time to really relax into them. Because if we're like, now I'm going to go get my massage, and then I'm gonna get out of my massage and I'm gonna go do this. And then I'm gonna do this, and then I'm gonna do this. There's no time for the actual experience. It's like we're pretending we're doing those things but we're not actually experiencing them. 

[00:36:00] 	And so instead, having more space around everything gives you the feeling of being able to really like go a little bit deeper and lean into the experience. And that's where it gets so much m ore magical. I don't know about you but in my early 20s, really like 20, when I was like 20, 21, and then I started a business and everything changed. But when I was in my early '20s, I remember my friends would be like, lets? have lunch. And we'd have lunch, and then we would just like have all of this time together. 

Like, we would eat, and then we would walk around, and then we'd get coffee and it was just like expansive time. And I feel like now, like I'll get together with friends, like lunch, we're like okay, so from like noon to 1:30, we have lunchtime and then I have shit to do. And it's not that we don't have shit to do; life is just different when you're not, you know, 20. But there's a way of being, like, instead o fit being like, you know, noon to 1, you do make it from like noon to 1:30 in the middle of your day.

[00:37:00] 	And then you can have more of an experience of an expansiveness with that experience, which helps it go deeper and it actually nourishes you more.

Jamie:	So you're not always looking at the clock going, I have to leave in 15 minutes. Oh, wait, I have to leave in 15. I don't know that I've ever had the expansive time. At 20, I had a full-time job and a house and went to school full-time.

Briana:	Okay, showoff.

Jamie:	I think it was a bad thing. I wish I had actually - I think it's because I haven't really felt that expansiveness of time very much that I don't think it's important? I don't know if that's even it. But how do we - this is all about me show, now. I'm like, let me ask Briana questions to solve my life problems. I'm an over packer, overachiever, right? We're covering? But in your book I know you're talking about very specific things that we can do to start bringing these things in our lives. So give me, like, what should it look like when we feel like we're actually enjoying ourselves?

[00:38:00]	You know me and my questions.

Briana:	You're so adorable.

Jamie:	Tell me the results of what I - no.

Briana:	The results of when you actually - so when you -

Jamie:	How do I achieve enlightenment?

Briana:	[Inaudible] So I really think it is the balance of these three things. It can't be - as soon as we think that one thing is more important than the other things, that's where we really get thrown off. And most of us have like one or two things that we're actually pretty good at. Like you're really good with structure. So Jamie, don't worry about more structure. Just use your structure power to help your sweetness and space. 

And there might be areas of your life where your structure isn't so good but just in general I would say that. But once these three things are really balanced, the structure, sweetness and space, and everyone's a little different how their balance will be; but once you have them balanced, there should be a few things that occur.

[00:39:00] 	One, you should be able to live your life purpose and feel good while you're doing it. Meaning you're generally happy, not that we're always happy; I'm not always happy, like I'm pretty pissed about this election. But you know, we're generally happy. We are more able to get back to neutral without being thrown completely off. Our health should be better, our sleep should be better, our relationships, like off the charts. I see people change these three things and their relationships, because that's where most of us have a lot of value, change dramatically, especially like your main partnership and your relationship with your children. 

Let me just tell you at the end of your life, that's what you're going to give a shit about and you can just thank me on your death bed that I'm telling you this now. Because it's really what matters. And so the other things are that we start to then set dreams and goals that are really, deeply aligned with who we are because there's no other way of doing it, then.

[00:40:00] 	Once you have these things in place and you're really finding your own center, you can't set a goal that was for your mom or your dad, or society, or because your sister did it and you want to beat her at it. We start to set goals from our hearts. And I think that for me, writing this book was super selfish, honestly. I'm only writing this because I want other people to be living like this so that they're coming from their own real, aligned soul. Because then they're making choices out in the world. 

And especially really ambitious people like you and me, I want all of us to be like going for it big, and changing the world in a really positive way. And if you have a ton of energy, it should be going towards something that's aligned with your soul. And the more all of us are doing it, the more we'll change the world, the better the world will be, and the more fun it will be, too, which is actually what I really want everyone to be doing.

Jamie:	I love that. You can hold that up for us. Because I think the hard thing is listening to you, and I've touted this about you for a long time.

[00:41:00] 	I feel like you've got this so well. Like, you're in integrity big-time with this, where a lot of people will be like, I'll talk about balance and then it's crazy. When people are listening to this, they might go: that's great for her but I have bills to pay, and therefore I have to work this many hours a week, or I have to do these things, and then I have kids, and then there's drop-off, and then there's extra activities, and then I have to make cookies for them, and blah, blah, blah. 

And this is where we spiral into that's great for Briana but I can't actually make space, or I can't do this, that or the other thing because of whatever that is. What do you ay to someone like that who feels like they have so many responsibilities that they can't do sweetness and space, maybe because of money or because of time?

Briana:	So let me just tell you that I have bills to pay, I have kids, and cookies to make, and parties to plan, and parents to call, and dishes to do. I cook and clean; I do all the things. I don't have a [00:42:00] trust fund. I have all those things. I just prioritize making balance work in my life without making excuses as to why it won't work. There's no way I can convince you if you want to make excuses all day; there's just way. If you want to make excuses about why your life sucks, then go for it all day long. 

But if you want me to actually help you make your life not suck, then just follow the formula. It's not magic. It just legitly works. And so you think you don't have for space, my guess is that you're watching TV. My guess is that you're out drinking with your friends. And I like - fine, geez, fine; drinking with your friends is fine. But if you say that you don't have any time for sweetness and space, and yet you're doing these things that aren't feeding you and nourishing you, I just have to call you out on it because I know how many hours there are in a day. 

[00:43:00] 	And I know that if I can do it with two little kids and I literally have like five businesses and a billion things to do, and a husband that I spend a ton of tim with, and a huge social life; you can do it, too. You just have to prioritize it. I'm not saying - I get that some people have - I'm not a single mom, I'm not a single dad. I know that that makes life a lot harder. That's when you to start being like how do I create sweetness within what I'm doing? How do I create space within what I'm doing? I definitely do that. 

A lot of my sweetness occurs with my children. I'm not going to play Candyland with them because that makes me want to smash my face in. But I will bake cookies with you because that's something I enjoy and you enjoy. So sometimes it's about finding the middle ground where I'm going to be spending time with you; I want to make it a sweet experience. So I'm not going to be a martyr and just do what you want to do; we're going to meet in the middle like we're both human beings and make something that we both enjoy doing. So there are ways to think around it.

[00:44:00] 	Also like space, if you don't have space because you legitly have to commute for a long amount of time, it's like maybe you could then take on your commute, or maybe you could - it's like really, you don't have five minutes? You're lying. You have five minutes. I know it. We're not even going to have that conversation because you definitely have five minutes. And if you have kids with you all day long, then you can make a time where it's like, let's play the quiet game. The game we're going to play is who can close their eyes and be quiet for five minutes. 

These are the things I do to make sure that I get that time. And if my 2-year-old can have quiet time, and my 9-year-old can, then pretty much any kid can. Or, you know what, you put them in front of a movie and you're like sorry, I'm kind of a shitty parent right now but I'm gonna do it because if I don't, I'm gonna be a worse parent later. Just have to make some choices. You can definitely do it.

Jamie:	I adore everything that you just said.

[00:45:00] 	Because it's real, and I think that's the thing that people don't - either we're making excuses or we're actually taking five minutes. Even with these interviews, we do so many in one day because I have structure - what a surprise. But it's so I can have extra space on other days. But even within this, even though they're back to back, I literally have 15 to 20 minutes in between each one, where I did a little dance break and sent it to Ryan Moran. Like I told you, I just randomly dance in the middle of the time.

Briana:	I love it.

Jamie:	I know, it was kind of silly; I should totally post it. But being able to -

Briana:	Please do.

Jamie:	It was literally one song worth so what, two or three minutes long and it just made it so much better. I used to be like: and then I have to do this, and I don't even have time to do this, and blah, blah, blah. And I still do that sometimes because, you know. 

Briana:	Me, too.

Jamie:	But that's what I really, really appreciate of you being completely real and going: yes, you're lying if you don't do this. But it doesn't mean that it's not okay; it's just your choice. It's just so important for people to [inaudible] -

[Crosstalk]

Briana:	Yes, it's about your choice. If you just want to cram your life full of things and die miserable, go for it; I don't care.

[00:46:00] 	But I want to make you happy because, you know, that's kind of my goal in life.

Jamie:	That was a tweetable. I mean, come on. If you want to die miserable?

Briana:	Go for it. I don't care.

Jamie:	Or, you can thank me on your death bed; one or the other. Your choice, come on.

Briana:	I also think the other thing that we're doing so much of nowadays is we're like, I have no time for anything [inaudible] arguing with people on Facebook. You're like, what? If you have time to argue with somebody about something on Facebook, or if you have time to take 50 selfies, then you have time to not do those things and meditate instead.

Jamie:	Tell me like it is. Preach, Briana. Okay so I know we have to start wrapping up in just a second. So I'm going to ask you this, and then you're going to tell us all about where we can get the book, and all the goodies, and all that fun stuff. But what's one action out of everything we did, what's one action listeners can take this week to help move them forward towards their goal of a million?

00:47:00]

Briana:	Meditate. That would be the one thing I would tell you to do. In my life, I have definitely gone in and out of meditation and I have valued and un-valued meditation. And it is the thing I see making the biggest difference in my life, and in the lives of many, many other people. So I would just say if you could just take? even if it's only one time this week, if you've never meditated before, just to download - we have a bunch of meditations that you can download and just follow along. It's really easy. You don't have to question what to do. I even tell you when to close your eyes and open your eyes; easy-peasy. 

And just follow along for five minutes. Some of them are five minutes and some of them are ten minutes but just start with the five-minute thing. Do it one time this week, and then actually take like two minutes to reflect on how that made you feel. Maybe it's like: well, that didn't feel like anything; why would I ever do that again? And then just remember, like all of the amazing billionaires that you know that are like: I meditate. 

[00:48:00] 	And then be like, maybe there's something to that. And then do it again.

Jamie:	One of my clients just hit a million in gross revenue and I sent him a meditation [inaudible] and his wife was like, what is that? Because it's the weirdest looking? But I really feel like the more we - and you have to - you don't have to enjoy it but when you start seeing the results, because the hard thing is with entrepreneurial brain it takes us a little while to actually enjoy meditation. I can say that; I am sure you probably can, too.

Briana:	Oh, for sure.

Jamie:	Because it makes you crazy at first. This is the one thing that I keep touting to everybody, and most people have heard it a thousand times before and then don't do anything. So we're going to link to all of those meditations. You have no excuse. It's a guided meditation, five to ten minutes from Briana. She has a beautiful voice; everybody's going to be fine. You'll live.

Briana:	You'll be fine. I'll get you through it. You're gonna love it. It's so much fun.

Jamie:	Tell us where we can find that, and also the book. We're on a huge push for trying to get as many people to know the well life as humanly possible so give us all your spiel on how we can get more of that.

[00:49:01]

Briana:	Yeah, so our book website is thewelllifebook.com. And on there you'll see a little video of me and Peter being all adorable. And then also if you buy it right now, you'll also get our Foundation's course. It's called the Well Life Foundation, and then an eight-module course kind of around the fundamentals of physical health that are really essential to have in place in order to be able to go out and create big dreams. Because so often we are starting from a really depleted place, or we've been trying to create our dreams and we've gotten depleted from that. And so then we're like, why is it so hard? 

And it's like well, because you're not sleeping, you're not eating right; there's like some really, just like logical, foundational things that you need to do for your body and we really walk you through those and give you just like very little, like, assignments. So we suggest that people do one of the modules every three days, and then just work on this little, tiny assignment for three days and see how it works in your life and how much stronger you feel, so that you can go out and there and create your big dreams, and your millions of dollars and all of the things.

[00:50:05]

Jamie:	I so appreciate that, especially because most people are like, give me the secret sauce, the tactic. And it's like well, are you actually eating well? Are you exercising? Are you doing the things that are really, really important for main, regular foundational stuff? Well yeah, I know about that stuff but give me the tactic that I want. I don't do any of it, but give me the tactic. So it is going back to foundations is huge. Make sure you go check that out, buy Briana and Peter's book because they're amazing and awesome and their video is like super crazy adorable. So if you're looking for what her life really looks like? and do you have the outtake reel, too? Because that was the cutest thing in the world.

Briana:	Well, if you sign up to get our chapter download, then we end up sending it to you in a sequenced email. Because we're ridiculous. We're actually, like very so like people just in general.

Jamie:	Yes, sweetness everywhere she goes, even when she messes up the words and [inaudible] over and over again.

[00:51:01]	You guys are amazing. Thank you so much for coming on the show today, again for the third time; I really, really appreciate it and you already know I love you.

Jamie:	I love you, too. Thank you so much for having me.

Video Transcription provided by GMR Transcription Services

Tags: Briana Borten, millionaire interview, personal development, The Well Life, Work Life Balance

Categories: All, Business, Business Model, Entrepreneurship, Featured Millionaire Interview, Millionaire Interviews, Personal Development

Hi I’m Jaime. Each and every week I bring you the top business advice from the people who know best.

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