From Fear to Freedom with Rhonda Britten

Founder of the Fearless Living Institute – Rhonda Britten

Rhonda Britten is an entrepreneur, inspirational speaker, bestselling author and actress. Rhonda is the founder of Fearless Living Institute. She is also the author of four best-selling books: “Fearless Loving” (2004), “Change Your Life in 30 Days” (2005), “Do I Look Fat In This?: Get Over Your Body and On With Your Life” (2007), “Fearless Living: Live Without Excuses and Love Without Regret” (2011).

After witnessing the horrific murder-suicide of her parents at the age of 14, Rhonda went into a twenty-year spiral of self-doubt, blame and addiction. She tried everything to help herself but still had nightmares every night and couldn?t get past the fear that there was something wrong with her. After she woke up very much alive after her third suicide attempt, she knew she had to find another way.

What she discovered is a pathway to freedom that cuts through false beliefs, negative thoughts and the silent, secret fears every human being carries. Her simple yet life-altering method is called Fearless Living. Rhonda has created a method for anyone anywhere to master the invisible, insidious fear we all have of ?not being good enough.? What she teaches is what she?s lived.

Episode Highlights:

When is the right time for a businessperson to go after TV
How to align your message to a TV production team’s message
Tips on how to be better on stage, on camera, or on podcast
What is fear and how to identify your it
How to transition from fear to freedom

Connect with Rhonda:

Facebook
Instagram
Twitter
YouTube
Linkedin

Website:

FearlessLiving.org

Transcript: Download

Video Transcription?provided by?GMR Transcription Services.

Jaime: Welcome to Eventual Millionaire. I?m Jaime Masters, and today, I am so excited to have Rhonda Britten on the show. Now, I used to watch her show starting over a ridiculously long time ago and be enamored. She?s done over 600 episodes of reality TV. She?s been a repeat guest on Oprah. She?s insane, and amazing, and runs fearlessliving.org. Thank you so much for coming on the show today.

Rhonda: My pleasure, Jaime, and I am so happy you watched Starting Over because really, I always say to myself that the reason I took that show ? I had the first life coach reality show in London, and I got five offers in the United States, and the reason I said yes to Starting Over is that I wanted to be the first life coach on television in the United States, so people would have a ? what is that? ? a template for what a coach really should be doing and who a coach should be. As we know, there were no coaches then, and there are millions of coaches now!

Jaime: So, you did your job.

Rhonda: I did my job.

Jaime: And, I did think life coaching was cheesy before I started watching that show, so I was like, ?Eh, who needs that?? Back in the day, I thought therapy was crazy. I have changed my ways, big-time. But, when we looked at what you actually did and ?

Rhonda: You?ve come to the dark side, Jaime.

Jaime: Right. I love it here.

Rhonda: Now, you do what you used to mock.

Jaime: Yes, which I am so grateful for. But, tell me how you even got in the position where people were coming to you for TV. I know, especially in the Instagram days, everybody wants their own reality TV show, and I?m sure it?s different now than it was then, but tell me your story on how you got it.

Rhonda: Well, I was actually over in London on a book tour for Fearless Living, my first book. My first book, I had book tours throughout the United States, England, Scotland, Ireland, and Australia. I was over in London, and as you know, reality television came from England. That?s who really created reality television shows. But, at the time, there were no reality shows for good. There were no reality shows for therapists, life coaches, or anything like that.

So, when I was over there, my publicist goes, ?Rhonda, you know, there?s a production company that would like to create a reality show with a life coach or therapist, and they?ve been auditioning for nine months, and they can?t seem to find anybody. They?ve auditioned everyone here in the United States. There?s nobody! And, since you?re here, would you like to audition?? I was like, ?Oh, yes. Why, yes I would.?

And so, I went in, and I?m not afraid of the camera ? I was an actress when I was younger, so I?m not afraid of the camera, I?m confident in my coaching, so they bought this 23-year-old girl in about dating, and they had a camera in my face, and the girl?s like, ?I would like to date,? and I just ? boom! ? went to town. Three weeks later, I was living in London. I was living in London for two years, did two seasons of Help Me, Rhonda ?

Jaime: It was called Help Me, Rhonda? I love that.

Rhonda: Yes, Help Me, Rhonda, and after the second year of Help Me, Rhonda, I always came back to the States after my season, so the month I got back there, we were auditioning for Starting Over. I auditioned only for callbacks, so I?m meeting an executive producer like, ?We want the show to go A, B, and C,? I go, ?Yeah, no. That?s not how ? mm-mmm. I?ve been doing this ? I?m actually the only person in the world who?s actually done this, and that?s not what?s gonna happen.?

So, I remember thinking to myself if they?re brave, they?ll hire me for Starting Over, but if they want full control, they won?t hire me because I knew more than they did.

Jaime: As you should, but yes.

Rhonda: Yes, as I should, and I was the only one that ever produced television changing lives. And sadly, today, reality television now is more scripted because talent and production don?t know how to work together, and so, a lot of talent is frustrated because ? I always said I?m not here to play a life coach; I?m actually gonna change their lives. I?m actually gonna do it. So, I needed a lot of bandwidth, we were not scripted, and it was a fantastic time.

Jaime: Do you think that now, there are more opportunities for that stuff, or less? Especially nowadays, where people can have full control over their own shows, but maybe not have the funds, or there?s a lot more reality shows people are watching, but like you said, there?s all sorts of politics behind all that. Do you still think it?s a better stage?

Rhonda: Well, there are two things. 1). Reality television for a production company ? you just have to understand how to work with a producer, and most coaches don?t, and they?re intimidated by production because they?ve never done it before and they?re just happy like, ?Oh my God, thank you for hiring me!? So, they don?t actually understand how to work with production. I always tell all my friends before they go to an audition, ?Please talk to me first so I can coach you through this because I can help you get a TV show because I know how to do that.?

So, that?s one thing. Talent does not know how to work with production, and that is the No. 1 stumbling block to make great TV for reality, for life coaches, et cetera, therapists. The second thing you asked ? if I was gonna start over right now, this moment, today, and say to myself, ?I?m on Instagram, I want my own TV show,? what I would be doing is creating my own YouTube channel. I?d be videotaping myself and creating it live because then, TV will come to you.

So, just do good work, and videotape yourself doing it, and start your own channel. I do have a little tiny thing ? when people say, ?This is my TV station,? I?m like, ?No, it?s not a TV station, it?s a YouTube channel, okay? I actually did TV ? we had 600 episodes ? but you?re actually doing YouTube. That?s a whole different ballgame.?

Jaime: Not the same.

Rhonda: ?That?s not TV, okay? Just saying.? But, I understand why they do it.

Jaime: So, do you have any tips ? it?s funny, now, with Bren? Brown being on Netflix, everyone?s like, ?Ooh, now there are opportunities. We could do all these different things.?

Rhonda: Well, you have to remember she?s doing a keynote. She?s doing a speech on Netflix. That?s a whole different deal. So, people just see the external ? ?Oh, Bren? Brown?s on Netflix.? They don?t understand what went into that, and they also don?t understand what forum it is. All they see is television.

So, if you want to ? first of all, if you?re so focused on being famous, then I would say your values are in the wrong place. Not that fame isn?t a good thing to pursue, i.e. in the quest of more people want to see you, wanting to hear your message. So, Bren? Brown didn?t say, ?I wanna be famous? when she did her TEDx Talk. What she said is, ?I wanna spread my message.? I did not go and audition for TV and have three TV shows going, ?I wanna be famous.? That wasn?t even a thought in my brain. I just wanted to change people?s lives and have as many people watching me as possible so that they knew it was possible.

So, I think people ? when they?re just focused on fame ? again, I understand you wanna reach your message, but I think if you?re focused on fame, your values are gonna come back to bite you in the butt later on.

Jaime: Yeah, because what are you doing to sacrifice just for that one thing instead of the impact that you actually wanna be making?

Rhonda: Yeah. People used to tell me all the time when I was on TV every day, ?I wanna be like you, I wanna have a TV show,? and I?d be like, ?Do you understand what it takes to actually do a TV show? I work six days a week, 12-15 hours a day.? People see the external results, but they don?t understand what it actually takes to make great TV. It?s work. It?s effort. So, if you see a great YouTube channel, that takes effort. That takes work.

Jaime: My friends had gotten a couple pilot episodes for Discovery Channel and stuff like that. They got paid squat to do them, it took forever, they ? I was looking at the back end, going, ?They have much better business opportunities out there than this ? right now, anyway.?

Rhonda: Right. Well, absolutely. Back then, when I was on Starting Over, there was no YouTube, there was no Facebook, there was no Instagram, there was no social media. So, we had a forum, so to speak, through the TV station, but there was nothing that exists today. So, again, you have to wanna do TV for the love of it, and yes, you have to have a back end, so to speak, but TV production companies are not set up to make you money. That?s not where ?

Jaime: That?s exactly what I was gonna ask you. When?s the right time for an actual businessperson to go after TV? You don?t also make that much money ? at least, the numbers that I?ve heard back from ? so you still have to have your business, and you?re working a lot more, so it doesn?t even make logical sense for a lot of things.

Rhonda: Well, I still had my business. I still had my business, and I was on TV every day. So, I think TV comes ? this is how I see it ? TV comes to you, and if you?re doing good work, and you?re on YouTube, Facebook Live, if you?re showing yourself up in video, you?re having a good message, TV production companies are always looking, and not only TV production companies, but products.

I did a lot of ? and, I just did one, actually; I just filmed one in Brooklyn and Chicago. It?s starting to air on People.com this month. I just did a series of three video?whatever they call them now, four-minute video slots for People.com and Total Wireless. They come to you. So, again, you?ve gotta put yourself in the right place. Again, back then, there was no video ? we didn?t even have a YouTube ? but now, if I was gonna do TV, I wanted to do TV, I?d be doing YouTube, and I?d get really good at it.

Jaime: I feel like ? I?ve been approached for two reality shows, and I did not like the premise at all, and I felt like I would be portrayed in not the best light, where ? the control thing, I have issues with. To me, I?m not even gonna go ? even though I was really excited for a really long time, and then I realized it wasn?t what I wanted my message to be. So, do you feel like it?s harder to align your message and somebody else?s message, even when somebody comes to you?

Rhonda: That is, again, an ability to speak and negotiate with the production company. And so, like I said, most talent ? that would be you as a talent ? they come to you because they go, ?We wanna do this show,? and you?re like ? this is what I always say when people approach me. I go, ?Sounds good. Wow. Let?s keep talking.?

So, I never say no when I hear a premise because I know that that?s what they think is gonna work.

Jaime: Ooh, you?re so good. You?re like, ?I?m gonna tell you what you actually want.?

Rhonda: Six hundred episodes ? I?ve done more TV than anyone. I?ve done more TV than Jennifer Aniston, so let?s put that in perspective. She did 10 seasons of Friends, and they did 22-26 episodes, so they did, at most, 260 episodes of television. I?ve done 600, okay? So, first of all, call me next time if anybody approaches you.

Jaime: Apparently, jeez.

Rhonda: But, it?s really about being able to talk from a perspective of knowledge and confidence about what?s gonna work and what?s not gonna work. A lot of production companies actually don?t know how to produce reality shows that include a life coach. They know how to do a reality show with scripts, and I could name a whole bunch of shows right now that are scripted that people think are reality, and my niece is always like, ?Don?t tell me, Auntie Rhonda! Don?t tell me!? I?m like, ?Well, that?s scripted right there.?

But, if you wanna be unscripted like I was ? I never had a script because again, I actually wanted to change their lives ? you?ve gotta know how to talk to that production company in order to make them wake up and see the roses.

Jaime: Yeah, okay. So, let?s talk about the actual content side, and YouTube, and what you would do in regards to that. I feel like there are a million YouTube shows, especially in business or life coaching, right now. What do you think going up and trying to have a USP or something that is completely different ? do you think you have to go and make a big splash, or have crazy production ? what would you do on the YouTube side of things if you were just starting?

Rhonda: Well, it depends on the amount of money ? like you said, crazy production. If I had $20 million and I was gonna create a YouTube channel that?s gonna kick butt, yeah, I?d go out and hire my friend who produces a reality television show, I?d have a two- to three-camera setup, I?d have multiple audios, and I?d have two to four people that I was working with. So, if I had $20 million, or $10 million, or I wanted to devote all my million dollars to do that, that is what I would do if I really wanted to make amazing television.

Now, there are production companies out there that actually now specialize in YouTube shows. My friend just created a 10-part series, I wanna say, for ? I wanna say it was Facebook. So, there are production companies, like my friend Tracy, who specialize in those 10-, 12-, five-episode, really top-notch ? again, it could maybe cost you $10,000.00, maybe it could cost you $20,000.00, maybe it could cost you $5,000.00 if you?re friends with Tracy. So, it depends on the amount of money you have.

If you don?t have the money, and you?re sitting there going, ?Yes, but I just wanna get my message out, I don?t care about fame, I just want more people to hear my message,? then get your butt some good lighting, hire a friend of yours or somebody that knows how to do lighting, get a place set up so you know about lighting ? because lighting and audio are the key ? and start shooting.

You can shoot while you?re walking down the street, you can shoot in the same location every week, but your job is to make it not only meaningful, but entertaining. It has to wake people up, because that?s how you get ? people say to me, ?Rhonda, you just made me think,? and it?s like yes, that?s my job. My job is to change your life.

And, when people would approach me in Target or wherever I was, they would say, ?Oh my God, you?re changing my life,? and I would say, ?How? How am I changing your life? What have you done? I?m coaching on TV, but what is moving you?? And, that always ? that?s what I wanted. I wanted to not only move the people that I was actually coaching on TV, but my real goal was to coach the three million people watching me a day.

Jaime: Well, I was one of them, going, ?Oh, life coaching isn?t cheesy. Wait, I might actually pay more attention to this stuff.? It does make a difference. Shifting perspective ? even though I?m stubborn and it probably took me way longer than most people, it took me a really long time, but it was that consistent showing up and showing up.

But also, because you were entertaining, like you said, do you have any tips, though, on being entertaining? That?s the other piece in YouTube. Some people are over-the-top entertaining crazy and a little less content. How do we manage that?

Rhonda: I always say the No. 1 thing to do if you want to become better onstage, on camera, on podcast, is to go ?

Jaime: Improv?

Rhonda: Yes, and do improv.

Jaime: I got it!

Rhonda: And, not just one class, but just do improv. Standup comedy is not the same as improv. Standup comedy ? I?ve seen a rash of people doing, ?I?m doing standup!? I did standup years ago, I did improv years ago, I did years and years of improv, I belonged to improv things, and I did standup, again, for Comedy Store, et cetera, Laugh Factory, et cetera. But, that was years ago. I don?t do it now.

So, standup is completely different than improv. It?s a completely different medium, and they teach you completely different things. But, I always tell people ? because they say, ?I wanna do what you did.? I gave a speech this past year, and Laura Belgray, who?s amazing, said to me when she saw me speak ? she says, ?I wanna do what you go,? and I go, ?That?s improv.? Because I?m not afraid of how I look, I?m not afraid of what my body does, I?m not afraid of what my face does. I am completely immersed in the message, and that message moves my body, moves me.

I?m not trying ? I?m not thinking, ?Move now.? That?s not what I?m thinking. Improv makes it in your body so that when you are speaking, you are naturally more animated and more alive. That?s what is attractive, is you being alive.

Jaime: I love your embracing that also. My former husband used to be in an improv group, and I?ve done a few improv classes, and it?s really fun, but I am extremely animated in life in general, so I had always ? when I was younger ? tried to tone it down, and it?s funny how many people are like, ?No, you?re trying to make it bigger.? I was like, ?I don?t wanna know how big this goes.? It might be a little bit much, even with facial expressions. So, how did you get comfortable?

Rhonda: There?s no ?too much? if you?re authentic.

Jaime: Oh, that?s a good point.

Rhonda: If you?re paying attention and actually thinking, ?I?m too big,? then you?re ?

Jaime: Then you?re not in it.

Rhonda: ? then you?re not [00:16:46] your message, right? So, you do the craft over here of improv. You do the craft ? again, improv is gonna give you different skills than standup, and I actually encourage improv because improv?s gonna make your body attached to your emotional life. You?re gonna become one instrument. Standup doesn?t do that. Improv does that. Your body becomes an instrument for your message.

So, if you?re thinking about it or if you?re deciding, ?Am I too big? Am I too small? Am I this? Am I that??, you actually have left the message behind, and you?re now using that awareness to actually criticize yourself or to judge yourself rather than being alive with the message.

So, when I first started speaking, Marianne Williamson, who is all over the place ? Marianne Williamson ? I used to study with her years ago, and she was this amazing speaker, and I remember when I first started speaking, I thought, ?Oh my God, I can?t be like Marianne. I?ll never be able to speak!? She?s so amazing.

And, I remember thinking that I thought speaking was like, ?Hi, my name is Rhonda Britten. Look at my book. I am amazing. Here, let me read from it.? And, when I surrendered to be fully authentic, then I showed up, moving my body and getting in front of people, and that?s me. That?s not me pretending; that?s me. In actuality, what improv did ? the reason I didn?t keep doing improv ? is I am funnier naturally than giving a joke.

Jaime: That makes sense, and you?re so well-practiced that it just comes naturally anyways instead of trying to do it with more intention. Is that what you mean?

Rhonda: No, I don?t even think of myself as practiced because this is the way it?s been, but yes, practice in the sense of I?ve done improv for years. You can say that, right? I am comfortable in my body, and I am comfortable ? I?m not worried about how I show up. I don?t care if my hair?s messy, I don?t care if I make a weird face, I don?t care if my body goes over here and I go over there ? I don?t care. All I care about is am I being authentic to the message and am I sharing my message as passionately and as present as I can?

Jaime: How do you do that just in front of a camera? So, I can do it with people. In a camera situation, it is totally different. Do you have any tips on that?

Rhonda: Yes. What I really encourage you to do ? so, they have these ? so, I?m gonna say a couple things. 1). If you?re first starting doing this, and you wanna become more natural in front of the camera, and you?re alone, then ask a friend to actually stand by the camera and do this.

Jaime: That would help so much.

Rhonda: Right? That would totally help. The other thing is that they actually have little camera covers, so to speak, that go around the cover ? dragons, dinosaurs, elephants ? that you can actually put on your camera, and it can be who you?re talking to.

Jaime: That?s hilarious.

Rhonda: So, you want to be speaking to the person ? I want you to imagine the person is behind that camera, and you?re actually speaking to them. You?re actually on the phone with them, or they?re calling you up on Facetime, and they?re desperate for your message, and your job is to speak not at the camera, but through the camera. Speak through the camera. So, you?re speaking out past the camera. Most people stop at the camera, and that kind of thwarts the message. You actually want to speak through the camera.

It?s going to tremendously help you get engaged because you have to think ? there are 20 people, 50 people, 100 people, 1,000 people ? whatever you deem appropriate for you ? that need your message right now, and they are in the camera right now. They are on the other side of the camera, and you need to make sure they hear you.

Jaime: So, that message ? I just wanna highlight that again, speaking through the camera ? I used to do martial arts, and they used to talk about a punch needs to go through the person, not stop at the person. It?s the exact same thing, and it was a game-changer for me because I was like, ?Oh, I don?t wanna hurt anybody.? So, I?m probably doing that same thing ? I?m probably stopping right at the camera ? so I so appreciate you saying that.

I wanna chat a little bit ? because this is sort of your thing ? about Fearless Living. Tell us a little bit about what that is and how people can really get past ? because fear is common for absolutely everyone.

Rhonda: Fear is at the heart of every problem that you have, and yes, some people ? yes, people need skills. Of course they do, and they need tools, yes, they do. But, the reason they don?t have the skills or the tools is because they?re afraid. Now, I just wanna say this ? most of my life, I did not say ?I?m afraid? or ?I?m scared.? I did not walk around saying ?I?m afraid? or ?I?m scared.? So, most people aren?t even awake to that they?re afraid or they?re scared.

What they are awake to is the problems that are showing up in their lives ? procrastination, perfectionism, overwhelm, anxiety, stress, comparing, competing. I could go on and on. So, people are aware of what they?re doing wrong, or in their mind, they label it ?wrong,? or ?bad,? or ?I shouldn?t,? or ?What?s my problem? I shouldn?t be like that.?

So, everyone?s aware of their problem. Well, what that problem is in the world of Fearless Living is a fear response. That?s all it is. It?s a fear response. So, if you?re procrastinating, there?s fear under there. If you?re a perfectionist, there?s fear under there. If you?re overwhelmed, there?s fear under there. If you?re anxious, there?s fear under there. If you?re comparing, there?s fear under there. If you compete, there?s fear under there.

Most courses, most coaches really focus on the problem, and that?s marketing. We focus on the ? ?I?m going to now tell you your problem. You are a procrastinator.? Most people go to procrastination school, they learn how to not procrastinate, and it?s amazing, and they?re like, ?It worked! It was amazing!? Well, fear doesn?t care if you procrastinate or you?re a perfectionist. It doesn?t give a crap.

So, if you stop your procrastination, fear will just create another problem because it does not care what problem or what fear response you have, it only wants to stop you from actually taking risks. Taking risks is poison to fear because fear only wants ? it only has one job, and that?s to keep you safe, and the way it keeps you safe is by keeping you the same, and that?s why we end up having the same problems with just a different face, the same problem with just a different situation, but it?s really just the same problem because we?re really not dealing with the root of it, we?re actually dealing with just the problem, and we think the problem is the problem, but it?s not. It?s just the cover.

So, fear is at the heart of everything, and I remember one of my certified Fearless Living coaches ? I train coaches ? became a business coach, and she said to me, ?Rhonda, I now don?t do Fearless Living, I don?t do life coaching, I do business coaching.? I?m like, ?Awesome, great, knock it out.? A few months later, she came to me and said, ?Business coaching is life coaching.?

Jaime: Same, same, same.

Rhonda: She?s like, ?You?re always dealing with their life.? I?m like, ?Oh, yeah.? A business problem is actually a life problem. That?s it. So, when people come to me with a business problem, I know that?s what they think the problem is, but what I actually know the problem is is a life problem, i.e. a fear problem. So, if you want more power in your business, you don?t feel powerful in your relationship.

So, there are people ? people think the problem? The problem you think is there is a false problem. It?s like a ghost. It?s not actually the problem at all. In Fearless Living, I?ve created a method ? technology, methodology, whatever lovely word you wanna use, they?re all really hot right now ? that actually helps you not only identify how fear works inside of you, and you think you know; I guarantee you probably don?t, and I?m not talking to you specifically, Jaime, I?m talking to your listeners.

And, what I believe is that there?s a core fear that actually is driving all the other fears. So, most of us think that we have all these problems, and we have all these fears. It?s not actually true. When you start understanding how fear works and you start identifying that core fear ? by the way, the core fear never changes. When you identify your core fear, then literally, you see everything in action from that witnessed consciousness, and you can completely change it at will. It?s taking your life back.

Jaime: This sounds so sexy, which I so appreciate, and once you know what that core fear is, though ? because therapy, right? Everybody?s got fears. Nobody can be like, ?I am completely perfect all the time.? I work with high-level, amazing people, like you were saying, and you do too, and everybody?s got something. That being said, once you?ve identified the core fear, how do you get rid of it if it?s a core fear and it may or may not ever go away? Is it just being aware each time, and it?s different covers, or what do you do after that?

Rhonda: So, awareness is obviously the first step. Without awareness, you cannot change. But, the wheel of fear actually has four parts, and I actually educate people in how their wheel of fear works, and to all four parts, but more importantly, Jaime, I help them identify their wheel of freedom.

And so, what I do with people when they take my Fearless Living training program, or when they attend Fearless Foundation workshops, or work with a private coach, one of my Fearless Living certified coaches ? we not only identify the core fear, which will never go away, by the way, so anytime somebody says to you, ?Get rid of your fear,? the next question to ask them is, ?When?s the lobotomy??, because our neurobiology is created with fear. The way we operate ? our amygdala, our hippocampus, et cetera, we can get into the brain ? is structured for survival, i.e. safety, and your brain and body don?t know the difference between an emotional fear and a physical fear.

So, you investing in your business could equal you jumping out of a plane. You starting to think about making a million dollars ? even though you?re like, ?Yes, I?m gonna do it,? on the way there, you?re going to have to confront your fear because there is no way to go from $100,000.00 to $1 million without transforming who you are. It?s impossible.

Jaime: This is why business is both amazing and horrible, because it?s personal evolution to the nth degree.

Rhonda: Well, in order to get any dream you have, whether it?s $1 million, whether it?s having a soulmate, whether it?s losing weight, getting healthy ? I don?t care what your dream is. The reason you don?t have it is yes, you don?t have the tools and skills. Yes, of course. Probably, some tools and skills are rusty, maybe.

But, at the heart of it is a fear. Now, some people say, ?Oh, you don?t feel worthy.? I am like, ?Please, get over that worth thing.? If one more person says to me, ?Oh, you?re not charging what you?re worth,? I wanna go, ?Really? Really? Really? Really?? I?m just gonna say this, Jaime ? I?m gonna give a little speech here for just one second ? when people say you?re not charging what you?re worth, this is my answer to them.

My parents died when I was 14 years old. I was the sole witness of their murder-suicide. I became an alcoholic. I got three DUIs. I had three suicide attempts. I could go on and on from the place where I came from to the place I am now. Nobody ? and I mean nobody ? can pay me enough for what I went through. Nobody will ever pay me my worth, ever. As I was scraping in the ground, drinking myself silly, sleeping around, doing everything I did in order to get love, hide myself, and getting out of that place, and crawling from the gut of the earth ? no, no, no. You could never pay me enough. Never, never, never pay me enough.

So, when people are sitting there saying, ?Oh, you don?t feel worthy,? that?s not actually the issue. That is maybe the fear response, but that?s actually not true. So, I wanna get beyond that, and I really wanna support people and understand their fear. Anyway, just a little speech there.

But, the wheel of fear, and then I teach you about your wheel of freedom, and the wheel of freedom is that place that you?ve been hiding out, and I show you how to use your wheel of freedom so that you can access that for yourself. Once you get caught ? Jaime, anytime you get caught, you literally go, ?Oh, my wheel of fear is activated. I?ve got it. Gotta move my wheel of freedom.? Boom. And, that is highly effective. It?s highly effective.

Jaime: So, I need to stop for just a second because yes, your story is insanity. To think about how far anybody could come as a human, I feel like you?ve got that comparatively to absolutely everything else. And so, the fact that you can really go ? and, I created this out of necessity, No. 1, but No. 2 ?

Rhonda: I created this completely out of necessity.

Jaime: Yeah. Well, I think that?s what?s so utterly amazing, is that anybody going through anything not even close to what you are, you can be like, ?Yeah, but I know it works on my hardcore stuff, so, ready?? But, it?s a huge testimonial for everything that you?ve been through, which is amazing and inspiring.

So, when we look at the wheel of fear and the wheel of freedom, then ? so, is it literally just minding a gap of going, ?Oh, all we have to do is just keep looking and focusing on the right thing,? and that?s it, in the moment?

Rhonda: Yeah, it?s not even ? yes, I would say that there?s a truth to that, but focusing on the right thing is going to call up everything unlike itself. And so, my wheel of fear ? I?ll tell you mine ? my wheel of fear, the core fear that I have at the heart of everything ? and again, there?s four parts; I?m only sharing the main baby ? is ?loser.?

Now, did anybody ever call me ?loser?? This is the other thing. People think they have a fear of failure, fear of rejection, or a fear of a success, and it?s like, not so much. Some people do, but not so much. It?s kind of the language that?s out in the world so people can grab onto it, but for most people, it?s not really their true fear. It?s a fear response ? most people don?t like to get rejected. That?s mostly everybody?s fear response, but it?s not their core fear.

So, my core fear is ?loser.? Now, I wanna say one thing about it. I was never called a loser growing up. I was a straight-A student. I was junior class president. I was Soap Box Derby queen. Mind you, I came from a little town, this big, but nobody ever called me a loser. But, that is ? when you really uncover it all, that is what shows up for me. The word ?loser? ? when I first identified it, it was like a knife stab in my heart, and it was like, ?Uh, no. No.?

And so, our whole body responds to just even the energetic ? the look. Nobody has to call me a loser. I can feel it. Mind you, I?ve been doing this many years now ? 24 years ? so I don?t get activated like I used to at all. I don?t care 99% of the time that somebody thinks I?m a loser. ?Loser? is my core trigger.

My essential nature on my wheel of freedom is ?authentic.? So, I want you to put your head around this, Jaime. If I?m afraid of being a loser, do you think being authentic is a good idea? No. Not at all. Because if I?m afraid that I?m really a loser, being authentic is a really, really bad idea.

So, when I say you?re going to switch your focus, that focus is gonna create opportunities and openings for you to become who you?re born to be. It is going to give you a pathway for you to evolve into the ?best version? of yourself, the most authentic version of yourself, the most accepting, most loving version of yourself. That?s what I care about. I care about people accepting themselves, loving themselves. That?s what I care about. And, in that, they will be able to achieve their dreams, but achieving their dreams without that doesn?t interest me.

Jaime: Okay. So, this is awesome. When we look back, though, what?s funny when you?re talking about the TV show is that being authentic, and improv, and being in your body is the most important thing, and yet, you had the ?loser? response. When I speak onstage, I turn bright red ? weird, bright, looking like I break out in hives ? so it stopped me for a really long time. I still do it now, and I look crazy, but it would turn me in on myself so I couldn?t be authentic. I?d be like, ?Oh, they?re looking at me. They think I?m sick.? It?s so hard. So, how did you go from that ?loser? mentality switched over to authenticity, and then run like hell with it? Because you did 600 TV shows.

Rhonda: Well, the reason is I understood it. I understood the process. So, everybody?s essential nature is not authentic. Yours probably isn?t authentic. Yours might be compassionate or loving ? again, everybody?s unique and different. There are no two wheels alike.

I have a process, obviously, to help people move through those so they can identify the correct thing, so that they can get the best wheels, but for me, authentic ? I knew the payoff. The payoff was freedom. The payoff was self-acceptance. The payoff was peace of mind. So, most people get caught in their feelings, they get caught in the pain, they get caught in ?Oh my God, I?m turning red onstage,? and that is what?s driving them. ?I don?t want to be red onstage? driving your previous behavior of ?I can?t be onstage because I turn red.? Then, you turning red is actually deciding your future.

Jaime: Right? Ugh.

Rhonda: So, when you start putting it in that perspective, people are like, ?What?? I go, ?Oh yeah. You turning red ? is that going to decide your expression, your authenticity, your business model? Is that going to be the thing so you can say when you?re on your deathbed, ?Well, it?s because I didn?t wanna turn red??? ?I didn?t wanna meet with the accountant and get embarrassed that I only made $38,000.00 last year. I don?t want to ask my spouse to invest $1,000.00 because I?m not ? I haven?t made enough money, so I shouldn?t earn that. I don?t get permission to do that.?

So, people have husbands and wives and partners and spouses to blame things on. ?I don?t have to do my thing because my husband/partner/spouse won?t let me. They won?t let me. They?re holding me back.? No, sweetheart. No, sweetheart. They?re not holding you back. You are giving your power to somebody else, and it?s scary to take your power back because to feel powerful can bring up selfish, mean, judgments.

So, it brings up a lot of things, and if you don?t know how to you work and if you don?t know how it works, the brain ? wheel of fear/wheel of freedom ? you will get caught in the effect of ?I have a red face, therefore I can?t get onstage,? and that will feel really real to you, but as you and I both know, that?s an illusion.

Jaime: It?s a really good excuse.

Rhonda: It is. But, excuses ? Jaime, I know you know this ? excuses really feel real to people. That?s the thing about excuses versus complaining. Excuses feel real, and there is a truth inside that excuse. So, we must honor that excuse, but not be bound by that excuse. You can?t minimize people?s excuses. You can?t blow excuses off. When people say, ?Just give up your excuses,? I?m like, ?Okay, uh, no.? You have to extricate yourself from that, and you have to decide what?s more important, but excuses have truth in them. That?s why they?re hard to give up. You do get red onstage. That is a fact. So, having that as an excuse makes perfect sense.

Jaime: It?s valid, see? I can be like, ?Yeah.? So, in regards to that, though ? because even if I?m aware that it?s an excuse, and even when I was ? I was like, ?I know it?s an excuse because I could go onstage, I just don?t wanna deal with the repercussions of it.?

Rhonda: What repercussions? You feeling uncomfortable because you turn red. That?s the key. You don?t want to feel something, right? So, anything ? going from $50,000.00 to $100,000.00, $100,000.00 to $500,000.00, $500,000.00 to $1 million, because I know you?re eventual millionaires out there ? you are going to feel things, and those feelings ? you have to become masterful at embracing and transcending your feelings, but you must embrace before you can transcend. A lot of people do the spiritual bypass and just transcend it, but they actually don?t, they just put it in a box.

Jaime: Yes! Thank you.

Rhonda: So, you can?t do that because it?s just gonna come back to bite you. You?re gonna lose that million, basically. You?re gonna work really hard to get it, but trust me, you will lose it. I actually had a client ? I speak at Eight-Figure Masterminds, and I was at an Eight-Figure Mastermind ? seven, eight, nine figures, everybody in the room ? and this guy said to me ? I said, ?Bring whatever you wanna talk about,? and he said, ?I?m sick of making money and losing money. I make $10 million and lose it. I make $20 million and lose it. I am sick of losing it. By the way, my father lost it and my grandfather lost it. I don?t wanna be like them.?

And, he thought I was gonna give him this money strategy, and I said, ?Well, you must forgive. You must forgive.? And, he?s looking at me going, ?Forgive?? I go, ?Yeah, if you don?t wanna lose any more money, you?ve gotta forgive your grandfather, your father, and yourself because if you don?t forgive, you will repeat the cycle.?

So, people think that their solutions or strategies and tools ? again, clearly, those are valuable, but if you don?t understand how you work, the mindset that you need, and how to operate in the world inside yourself, you will consistently and regularly face the same fears and the same problems over and over again. They just will look better, look different, have a different face, but they will come to haunt you because that is what has successfully been used to keep you stuck.

Jaime: I could talk about this forever. I have another question in regards to that before I ask the last question. So, when we think about getting outside of your comfort zone or looking to the wheel of freedom instead of the wheel of fear, it seems to take energy, even just the awareness part. So, how fast can you ? I even know the feeling of that letting go where I?m like, ?Oh, I am in uncharted territories,? but I don?t wanna do that all the time because that feels so energetic, especially with all the other responsibilities.

Rhonda: Well, it?s almost like ? first of all, it takes energy, and it takes effort, because you?re waking up. So, feelings ? I always say feelings are energy. That?s all they are. The reason it takes so much effort is your level of attachment to them.

So, once you start seeing the benefit and the power of the wheel of freedom and accessing your essential nature, and you start rolling there, you will start seeing the benefit and the energy release in a powerful, positive way that the effort ? the slowing down ? I always say slow is the new fast ? you have to go slow in order to move fast because you have to be awake to see it, and then you can shift it, but if you don?t go slow, you?re going to miss it. So, yes, it takes energy, but the energy is the level of attachment to it that you?re using. Oh, by the way, your brain ? the way that we?re wired ? the No. 1 goal of our brain is to save energy. No. 1 goal of our brain.

So, our fear neurobiology, our fear mechanism inside of ourselves ? its No. 1 goal is to keep you safe. Brain?s No. 1 goal is to save you energy. So, that?s why it feels hard to think differently. It feels hard to go from $100,000.00 to $200,000.00. It feels hard because you?re using energy, and your brain is like, ?We need to conserve energy. We?re gonna die.? It?s like, ?Uh, no, I?m not gonna die, and I am going to expand.? ?Well, yeah, but, come on now.?

So, you?re actually rewiring your brain when you move from the wheel of fear and the wheel of freedom, and yes, that is going to take effort in the beginning until you start seeing and experiencing the benefits. Of course, my program ? obviously, I create all these tools around you so that you?re taken care of and you can see it faster, et cetera. But, it takes effort, it takes energy, and you have to decide whether you wanna live in freedom or you wanna live in fear. What?s the payoff you want? You?ve gotta slow down. Oh, well. So what?

Jaime: I really appreciate the ?slow down? part, though. Especially me ? I move so fast that when you say that, I?m like, ?Well, now I just have to not only move that fast, but do it with harderness in my brain,? and that sounds like it sucks, but if you slow it down, you can actually be more cognizant of the small things, and you tweak the small things, and you can have momentum.

Rhonda: You?re not gonna be thought-less.

Jaime: Never.

Rhonda: But, that?s what makes us move fast, because we?re thought-less, and also because we?re on automatic pilot, i.e. because we?re trying to save energy. Remember, our brain wants us to go on automatic pilot. It wants us to do that to save energy. Our brain doesn?t want us to think because that takes more glucose. It takes more energy. It?s probably why we have comfort foods ? sugar, carbs, et cetera ? because it actually needs energy, right?

Now, I?m not giving you permission to go and eat [00:44:00], but what I am telling you is helping you understand that there is a level ? becoming more aware is where freedom lies, it?s the only place it lies, but also, to start experiencing that, your pathway is compassion, innocence, understanding, and forgiveness, because as you become awake, you will look at your past and go, ?Oh my God, I wish I would have known this then.? And, the minute you say, ?I wish I would have known this then,? you?ve lost compassion. You?ve lost innocence. You?re thinking you should know what you know now back then, and that?s just not the way it was.

So, when you?re slowing down, what you?re actually doing is actually giving yourself heart, compassion, innocence, space, and actually to love yourself more, and in fact, when you slow down, you will get better results because you won?t have to clean up the mess you made going fast.

Jaime: All the business owners need to hear that right now. Put that on pause and do a little repeat on that because we assume it just has to be faster in order to make more progress, and I love, love, love you actually saying how it really benefits. Both men and women ? by the way, guys that are like, ?Feelings, whatever, put them over there? ? it makes a huge difference.

I know I have to start wrapping up. I wanna have you back on because I love all these conversations that we have, and you already know I love you, but what?s one action listeners can take this week to help move them forward towards their goal of $1 million?

Rhonda: The first thing that I want you to do ? and, this is the first exercise that I did at the age of ? when I first started after my third suicide attempt, and I realized the way I was trying to move through life was not working for me ? so, the first thing I did is I grabbed a calendar, and I said, ?How am I gonna change my life?? All the therapy workshops and books I read were nice, but they didn?t change me fundamentally.

So, I got a calendar, and I got some gold stars, and I started giving gold stars to myself, and I still have the calendar ? it?s actually in my office, and when I found it, I was like, ?Ah!? I started giving myself a gold star for any time that I had a new awareness or shifted my behavior.

Because back then, I was suicidal all the time, and I actually felt like I should die, like I didn?t have any worth or value, and so, I remember after the 30 days saying to myself, ?I have hope. There?s hope here.?

So, what that exercise has turned into now in Fearless Living is something I call acknowledgements. It?s ?Today, I acknowledge myself for?? Now, I want to preface this by saying acknowledgements are not about how well you did something. It?s not like, ?I was amazing, and therefore I can acknowledge myself!? No, you?re gonna acknowledge yourself for any movement forward.

So, listening to this podcast ? if it?s been hard for you, you haven?t found the time, and now you?re giving yourself time to do it, great. Acknowledge yourself. I always use the example of losing weight because we can all relate to getting healthy, and when I first started wanting to lose weight after my divorce, I took my tennis shoes out.

Just taking my tennis shoes out, I acknowledged myself. Just finding out where the gym was, I acknowledged myself. Just going into the gym, checking it out, and talking to somebody, I acknowledged myself. But, most of us are trained in this culture to only acknowledge when it?s done. ?I will celebrate when I have my college degree. I will celebrate when I lose my 40 pounds. I will celebrate when I get to $1 million.?

But, in fact, you?re not building your confidence then. Acknowledgements actually build your confidence, and they remind you the truth of who you are. So, I really encourage everyone ? I do this every year ? I do 100 acknowledgement for the past year. Now, I assign to my clients ? and my coaches assign to their clients ? five a day. If you get one a day, great. If you get to three, awesome. Five is awesome. But, it really is ?Today, I acknowledge myself for,? and you cannot acknowledge based on results, you can only acknowledge movement forward.

Jaime: That?s so good.

Rhonda: And, if you do 100 for the last year, your mind will be blown, and it will probably take you a month to do it. You?re gonna get up to 30 and be like, ?That is completely it. I can?t think of one more thing.? It?s like, ?Well, you?ve gotta get to 100.? You?re gonna get really good at seeing the choices you made in those silent moments that there is no celebration, but you made a choice.

Jaime: And, that?s what adds up to be the life that you actually live now.

Rhonda: Yeah, and your confidence will increase. You will start trusting yourself. Trust is a byproduct of fearlessness, and most people do not trust themselves. So, the more you know yourself, the more you can trust yourself, and when people say, ?I don?t trust other people,? it?s like yes, because you don?t trust yourself. It has nothing to do with anybody else.

So, acknowledge yourself, acknowledge yourself, acknowledge yourself, and write it this way: ?Today, I acknowledge myself for?? in longhand. Write for that body-mind connection, right, Jaime?

Jaime: Yes. There is science based on that. I so appreciate that.

Rhonda: That?s right.

Jaime: I love you. Where do we find more about the wheel of fear, where we can find you, coaches, all that fun stuff?

Rhonda: Go to fearlessliving.org, and on the homepage, right there, is the 25 tricks of fear, and download that, and then take the quiz about how fear shows up for you because inside the 25 tricks of fear is 25 ways that fear shows up, and the more that you understand and wake up to that, the more you can see it. So, go ahead and download the 25 tricks of fear so that you can see how fear is showing up in your life so that you can start having a relationship with it and start changing it.

Jaime: I love it. We wanna have a relationship with it, so that way we can change it. I don?t even know if I have enough time before the next interview to download that, but I?m gonna go do it as soon as I possibly can because I really wanna know more from you. Thank you so much for coming on the show today. I?m sure everybody appreciated it, but I appreciate you and all the work that you?ve done for so long. Thank you so much.

Rhonda: Be fearless, everyone. Thanks, Jaime, for having me on.

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