Expanding your capacity and setting up boundaries with Lisa Fabrega

Founder/Owner of LisaFabrega.com – Lisa Fabrega

Lisa Fabrega is an author and leadership coach. She helps ambitious women expand their capacity to handle more growth, wealth & success.

For more than ten years, she has helped entrepreneurs, corporate executives, Academy Award nominees, and Nobel Prize organization candidates break through boundaries that have been holding them back from their next level.

Her signature approach enables clients to reach their highest levels of success and impact. Lisa has addressed thousands of people both on stage as a keynote speaker as well as when she appeared on podcasts including The Unmistakable Creative, Her Rules Radio, and Tell Me A Story with Debra Silverman.

She’s also been featured on CNN, Yahoo! News, and The Huffington Post. She splits her time between Florida and California with her two rescue dogs, Luna and Sadie.

“Your boundaries flux. They flow, they change, there are periods of your life where there are hard things going on where you need more boundaries, and there are periods of your life where you’re feeling very well-resourced and you don’t need that many boundaries.” – Lisa Fabrega

Episode Highlights:

• How to expand your capacity to handle more growth, wealth, and success
• What are internal and external boundaries (And how to set them)
• 6 essential boundaries that every entrepreneur needs to create in their business
• How to enjoy your whole life, and not hate your work
• How unnecessary emotional labor is derailing your success

Connect with Lisa:

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Website:

LisaFabrega.com

Transcript: Download

Video Transcription provided by GMR Transcription Services.

Jaime:	Welcome to Eventual Millionaire. I'm Jaime Masters, and today on the show, we have my good friend Lisa Fabrega. You check her out at lisafabrega.com. We'll spell it in the show notes for y'all. She's a leadership coach, and she talks about capacity. I'm so excited to talk to her about this today. Thanks so much for coming on the show today.

Lisa:	My pleasure. I'm so glad to be here.

Jaime:	So, you have always been a shining light of boundaries and capacity, and when I first met you, I was like, "I don't understand. I'm learning so much." I met you such a long time ago, and I've learned so much, especially on the business side of things, when it comes to capacity and boundaries. So, share with me a little bit more about what you view as capacity.

Lisa:	Yes. I think it's a really good question, and I do think it needs to be explained because it's not something that we talk about a lot or that we consider a lot when we're looking at our business, and earning more, and doing more with that business. So, capacity for me is your ability to hold, handle, and receive the next level of your work, of your money, of whatever you want next in your business.

And, the reason I really focus on this in my work is that I noticed that I have a lot of people who were very successful entrepreneurs or business owners who were coming to me, and they were like, "Everything was going well, and I've suddenly hit a plateau, and no matter what I try, no matter what strategy I throw at it, no matter who I hire that's expert at strategy to help me figure this out, it's not moving, and I don't understand why."

	And, I started to realize that in many cases, and especially when you get to a certain level of earning and, I've found it's around the $200,000.00 mark, although I work with people who have capacity issues way before that, too... and around that point is when we kind of know the strategies by that point. There's a finite number of strategies we can apply, and I think lots of strategies are great, and it just depends on what works for you, but then there's something else that's happening there. There's something else that is not working, and a lot of times, it's the capacity.

	Do you have the capacity to welcome in and hold, and do you believe that you can hold the thing that you're trying to get through that strategy? I can give you lots of examples, but I basically ended up... I've been doing this for over 10 years now. We've known each other for a while, and I've realized that there's six areas that business owners tend to have problems with in terms of their capacity, so I'll just say them quickly: Money, visibility, purpose, embodiment, which is emotional capacity, essentially, and then structural capacity and boundary capacity.

	Those six areas... if you don't have those fleshed out and ready to receive what you are welcoming in with those strategies, you're gonna start to hit plateaus, you're gonna start to... even I've had clients who made $1 million in the first couple years of their businesses, and then they can't recreate that, and they're trying to keep up with it, and it's always a capacity issue. So, my whole motto is "It's not your strategy, it's your capacity."

Jaime:	I so appreciate you defining that because I've had clients for 10 years also, and it's interesting ? the ones that are like, "Oh, you just have to do this," and they're like, "I'm fine," and then the other ones that you're like, "Hmm, I don't know what?" There's so many pieces to it, right? And, it's so internal, and we talk about it being internal, but we don't break it down. So, the two that really popped up that you said was embodiment work and boundaries. In business, we're all about structure and blah blah blah... you know what I mean? I feel like we get pieces of that, but tell me a little bit more, and maybe give some examples of those specific to you.

Lisa:	So, a really... let's start with boundaries because I love talking about boundaries. Listen, most of the people listening to your show... you, me... we're now stranger to boundaries. In order to get where we've gotten, we need to have had some boundaries, but here's the thing about boundaries. Boundaries are not just about putting up walls and keeping things out. Boundaries and, they're not just about other people. Boundaries are with ourselves, too, and the place we forget to have boundaries is with ourselves, and our thought processes, and our nuances, and things that we do that are sabotaging to us.

	And, the other thing I like to say about boundaries is that boundaries are also specific requests that you make to the universe about what you actually want. What I mean by that is if I am setting a clear line that I am not available for this kind of stuff in my business, I'm not available for team members that don't show up on time, I'm not available for team members that have tons of drama all the time, I'm not available for colleagues that wanna get competitive instead of help me out, I'm not available for that uncle that's constantly saying negative things and doubting my ability to do what I wanna do.

	When we say we're not available for those things, we're also saying what we are available for, and we forget that part. So, in terms of boundaries, I have a perfect example. I was working with a client a few years ago who had actually built a really successful business ? I think it was in the $650,000.00 revenue mark and it was amazing because it was based on these retreats that she would do in these gorgeous locations. You would just look at the pictures, and you'd just be drooling. "Oh my God, she has such a great business."

	And yet, she could not move past $650,000.00 the last couple of years, and she's like, "I don't know, I signed up for this business Mastermind, I still couldn't go beyond $650,000.00, what's happening?" I said, "Okay, let's go deep. Let's figure out what's really going on here." Part of it was that she didn't have good boundaries with her clients, and so, her clients took up so much of her time that though she could handle it, she was afraid to bring on more clients or to expand into maybe a lower-priced offering that more people could come to because in her mind, it's "Oh, it's gonna be triple the amount of space-holding that I'm gonna have to be doing."

And so, there was this subconscious thing happening where ? she wasn't even aware of it; it was a total blind spot ? when she would get to $650,000.00, suddenly she'd start turning down certain opportunities, or she would refuse to raise her price on something, or she'd waffle on launching that other program that would put it out to more people in the world, and again, this is a great example of the subtle capacity thing happening. And, embodiment ?

Jaime:	Hold on. I'm gonna slow you down for a second because I just have to highlight ? the reason why I'm laughing and smiling so much is because I know exactly that same story because when I first met you, I remember ? you have really good boundaries, and I remember I bumped up against one of them once, and I was like, ?What? She doesn't like me,? all these things. I had to google what boundaries were. This is how ? I was like, ?Wait, what exactly is a boundary? I'm a little confused.? Many years of therapy later ? no.

But, trying to figure out ? that exact story happened to me where I was on the codependent side with clients and was like, ?Oh, I totally have to do everything for everybody,? and the more people coming in, I'm like, ?Oh ? hmm?later, later, not right now.? And so, I felt exactly what that feels like, and what's so interesting, especially when you ? it seems like you're making your own decisions at that point, and you're not.

And so, it's like, ?Well, wait, but I'm saying I'm going to launch this program, or this is gonna happen, and then it doesn't work,? and that's the thing I wanted to highlight for everyone because ? actually, let's dive a little bit deeper because boundaries are just so ? I wrote the word three times on my paper ? so important, and I don't think people A). Even really know what they ? the fact that I had to google them?

I know high-level people understand what they are in general, but let?s go into a deeper mode on them. So, tell me a little bit more, not only on the external boundaries ? if you can give us a couple more examples of the external boundaries with other people, but also how you set and know what your internal boundaries are.

Lisa:	Well, it?s actually quite simple, and I walk my clients through this process of ? also, we have to start getting connected to our bodies, and that?s hard for us as business owners because we tend to be so in here, and we?re like, ?What?s the next goal? What?s the next thing? What are the metrics? Is this launch going well?? It?s really up here in our heads. Hold on, I have to see? Wait, it?s not coming.

Jaime:	I?m gonna leave that in. That was super cute.

Lisa:	So, what happens is that ? where was I? I totally lost my train of thought.

Jaime:	The external boundaries, and the internal boundaries, and some examples.

Lisa:	So, we?re really in our heads. This is where we exist most of the time, especially because we?re on computers all the time and so on and so forth ? if we?re online. So, we don?t really stop to go, ?What?s happening in my body? How am I feeling right now? Why is my stomach tight every time I talk to this person? Why does my throat tense up every time I have to get on the phone with this client? Why do I feel exhausted every time I finish this retreat or this event?? We don?t take the time to do that.

	So, the first thing is I start talking to them about getting more connected with how they?re feeling and how they?re physically feeling too, and then it?s quite simple. How do you feel? How you feel matters. It?s important. It doesn?t necessarily ? our feelings are not always facts, but there?s certainly clues.

So, for me, I notice ? just like I said ? if I have a client that every time I have to get on the phone with them, I feel a part of me going, ?Ugh,? then I go, ?Wait a minute. There?s something going on here. Is it my boundaries? Do I have poor boundaries? Did I not state the boundaries clearly enough, and so I feel like they?re just sucking so much out of me? Is it that they?re not doing the work they?re supposed to do, so it creates extra emotional labor for me in our sessions? Do I need to call them out on that?? 	So, it?s as simple as that sometimes, which sounds simple, but when we?re used to being here, it?s not that simple.

Jaime:	That?s what I was gonna say. Thanks for calling it simple ? simple, but not easy. Thanks.

Lisa:	Simple things, but the most nuanced and complicated. So, yeah, I would say start noticing how you feel around certain situations and around others, and then, in terms of boundaries with self around that, again, if a certain thought form ? what?s a really good thought form that I was working on with a client recently? Oh, ?I have to prove myself that I?m at the same level as the people in this room.? I have a client that I was working on with that last week, and she?s a badass. She doesn?t have to prove anything.

	And, she walked into this room, and she was feeling that way, and it changes her behavior because it changes how she talks to herself, and instead of allowing her brain to go down that loop of ?Nobody here wants to talk to me, everybody thinks they?re better than me, I don?t belong,? she?s starting to learn to go, ?Hey! Harness that horse. Bring it back.? That?s a boundary with the self. ?I?m not going there.? It?s being firm with your own self. Not going there, I?m not gonna let that BS story that my brain loves to tell me affect my ability to make connections at this event. So, that?s an example of a self boundary.

Jaime:	Does she have awareness? So, once you have the awareness, No. 1, catching it early enough on the awareness side, though, and then actually enacting it. Tell me more about those things.

Lisa:	That?s the hard part. I always say awareness is 90% of the work because once we?re aware of it, we?re free now because it doesn?t necessarily fully control our actions anymore. It?s when it?s our blind spot that it?s dangerous. So, awareness first. That takes time, that takes mentors, that takes people who are gonna call it out because you can?t see it ? that?s why it?s called a blind spot.

	Once we?ve picked it out, that?s when the hard work begins, and that?s the last 10%, and that is literally practicing, and you are gonna suck at it, you are not gonna notice it 80% of the time when you first start doing it, and as you just continue to bring your awareness to it over and over again, bring your awareness to how you?re feeling, bring your awareness to how you?re behaving, you get better and better at it, and I wish there was some sort of hack or pill for that, but there just isn?t. It?s just practice.

Jaime:	Internal thought pills ? this would be mind-blowingly, absolutely amazing. That?s the thing that?s so tough, is it?s all practice, right? It?s like piano, but not judging yourself being a baby at it also. You?ll be like, ?I?m doing it!? The kids have a little joke ? I?m stressing again. They notice when I?m stressing, or whatever these things are. ?I?m doing it again, and I didn?t even realize that I even got this far down the track!? And then, not being judgy because that doesn?t help things either. So, it?s recalibrating over and over again.

Lisa:	Exactly. It?s just like if you?re working on ? if we wanna talk strategy-wise, if you?re working on an evergreen funnel, it?s months and months, and that?s tweaking, tweaking, tweaking until it starts working the way you want it to.

Jaime:	Yes. Time, effort ? yeah, and hopefully, not? Let me ask you this: When I say ?effort,? do you feel like it takes a lot of effort? Does it take a lot of energy to try and recalibrate?

Lisa:	I think it depends on your level of capacity when you start. So, for example, I have some clients that really need to do some work on their capacity when we start this work, and so, they ? at the beginning, it just feels so hard, and it just feels like they get anxiety about their anxiety.

So, I have a client who ? I?ve been doing a special exercise with her right now because she actually really needs to connect to her body because not being connected to her body is causing her to make really bad business decisions, and attracting not really good partners into her life, and we?re working on getting her senses opened up because she shut down her five senses because she?s actually a very sensitive person, and then she just comes across like this to people, or doesn?t really show her authentic stuff in her business transactions. It all steamrolls, as you know.

	And, for her, when we started doing the work of ?Okay, let?s notice, let?s be aware, let?s start opening up your senses,? it created a lot of anxiety because she hasn?t opened that door for such a long time, and there?s all this stuff just there, just waiting to come out, but now, she?s like ? it?s been two weeks, and she?s like, ?Now I?m building capacity for feeling the anxiety, and I?m okay, and I?m not gonna die if I have these feelings. I?m building capacity for that.?

	If you have a little more capacity, then it doesn?t necessarily feel so hard, it just feels like you?re mastering a new skill, and you know that beginning part of mastering a skill. You?re just like, ?Aaah!? You wanna throw it against the wall; it?s so frustrating. So, it really ranges on where you are when you begin.

Jaime:	Yeah, I?m learning oil painting. I?m good at painting every other medium, and not even close in oil painting, and I have to be in the right mood because otherwise, I will want to throw it out the window, and the hard thing with the thought side of things is it comes when it wants to come, so whether you?re ready to work on it in that moment or not, you?re raring and ready to go. That?s the time and place, and that?s why it?s so hard for recovering perfectionists to be like, ?Oh, it?s like this.?

	Before we get into the emotions, which I think is gonna tap into this also, the connection to the body ? especially for business owners, like you were saying ? is ridiculously important, but even just mentioning meditation to a lot of people ? even super high-level people ? ?I can?t do that. I?m all in my head. My head is constantly going.? And, their head is constantly going ? I?ll say mine is too ? that it?s hard to even notice parts of your body because you?re so in your head.

Lisa:	Yeah. That?s when I use the good old-fashioned threat to their success to get them to listen because it?s true, and I also point out billionaires who have practices to connect to their bodies ? people like Richard Branson and Oprah, all of these people ? when they get to those levels of their success, you bet your ass that they?re working on their capacity constantly, and in fact ? I won?t say who it is ? I have a friend who works with an extremely famous celebrity and incredible businessman, and he doesn?t have business strategists.

His coach is her, and she?s an embodiment coach, and he pays her big bucks, and he flies her all over the world to sit down and help him make decisions with his body, and he?s a billionaire ? well, maybe not billionaire, but almost there. He?s a very successful person. If I said his name, everybody would know who it is.

	So, again, I actually use that, and I?d just say, ?Okay, you think that this is weak, low-level stuff that you don?t need to be doing.? In fact, if you wanna be like these people that you?re aspiring to be like, that?s what they do. That?s what they put their ? look at the show Billions on Showtime. Who does he pay ? who does he call the night he loses $400 million? Wendy, his performance ?

Jaime:	I like Wendy. I love her.

Lisa:	I call them on their bluff, and I go, ?Oh yeah? You?re too good for that? You can?t find time for that? Well then, sorry, you?re not gonna get to where you wanna go because you cannot get there without this work,? and that tends to make them go, ?Oh, well, if it?s gonna affect my performance, then let me think about how I can incorporate this into my daily life.?

Jaime:	A million times ? it?s so funny. After almost these almost 500 millionaires, and when we look at the trajectory, especially from Jaime programming brain when I started versus now, I?m like the ? somebody called it the future strategies. Not that they weren?t internal beforehand, but we?re finding nuances of these internal strategies as things are going on the personal development side which I think are amazing.

We live in the best time in the world that we can find embodiment coaches because 100 years ago, we were just trying to live. So, I so appreciate people doing this type of work, so that way, we can get better and better, and more evolved, and have more joy. So, let?s talk about the embodiment and the feeling side of things because the point is also to enjoy our whole life, and not hate our work.

Lisa:	Of course. I really love this question; I love that you asked it because I was having a conversation online with some people recently where I was saying, ?I don?t care about your seven-figure claims. I really don?t. What?s going on behind the seven-figure claims? First of all, do you have profit? Second of all, are you exhausted, burned out, getting a divorce, hate everything in your life to get those seven figures? If so, I view the person who made $300,000.00 and is having a great time much more successfully than somebody who made seven, and everything is falling apart.?

	And so, I love this question because it makes me think about that, and it?s really ? long-term, sustainable success is about this, is about the emotional management. It?s about the emotional capacity because if you get ? first of all, the more visible you become, the more successful you become, you?re gonna attract people who are gonna say mean things, who are not gonna like you just because of no reason, because of their own personal reasons.

And, what I have noticed is some people ? they?re totally fine with being visible up to a certain point, and then, when they hit a certain revenue level and a certain level of visibility, suddenly they just start curtailing little parts of themselves, and that actually starts to hold back some of those powerful parts of you that would get you more impact and more visibility, and it?s because they?re so afraid of the troll comments, the high-profile person disagreeing with them in public. They don?t wanna be too polarizing.

And, that starts to actually slowly chip away at your satisfaction with what you?re doing. Then, that?s when you start to have feelings like ?I feel like I?m suddenly a fraud,? you don?t feel authentic, and here?s the real secret thing that I think nobody thinks about: It contributes to burnout so much, but in the slightest, most subtle way, and it happens long-term because every time you let someone?s emotional ? who is it? I think Jen Kem once said this to me ? death by paper cut.

So, every little cut that you allow to penetrate your skin and affect you, it starts to build up, and it?s just little leakages, and then, before you know it, you?re burned out, adrenal fatigue, you can?t even run your business at that point, you?re wondering, ?What?s happening? Why is my revenue declining? Why don?t I feel lit up by my work anymore?? So yeah, this, to me, is the most actually ? to me, embodiment capacity is one of the most important capacities of the six. It?s the motor that runs things long-term successfully and sustainably.

Jaime:	That?s what Eventual Millionaire is built on ? life first, and then money. Don?t get me wrong, money is great. I love money, awesome, total cool with saying that, and, if you don?t enjoy anything, none of it matters. We?re all gonna die anyway. So, what sucks about that, though, is like you said, we don?t even realize it sometimes, and I have a client that had a really horrible stalker situation, or the safety and security of?emotionally extremely draining. So, whether it be visibility or whatever the piece we were talking about before on the emotional side, how do you curtail that? How do we stop all the paper cut wounds?

Lisa:	Well, boundaries. And, that?s ? that question is something I?ve worked with clients for 10 months on. We have to discover ? we have to do some internal self-discovery about what are our triggers and how are we being a victim to those triggers, meaning how are we allowing those triggers to actually ? like you said ? influence our actions and our behaviors, and we think we?re making that decision from a totally sovereign ?I got this? place, but actually, it?s not ? it?s your trauma making that decision, and you don?t even realize it. So, that?s not something I can give you a three-sentence response to, which I don?t think you expect.

Jaime:	Yes.

Lisa:	Or, start to become aware and work with somebody that?s gonna start to show you ?Oh really? You think that decision to launch that program came from authentic inspiration? Nah, it didn?t. That?s why it?s not doing well. That?s why nobody?s buying it.?

Jaime:	That?s so funny. As you working with someone ? and, I know I feel this too sometimes ? they?re like, ?Oh no, I?m totally on,? and you?re like?the dog head-cock. ?Really? Okay, I?m glad you believe that. That?s great.? But, like you said, when it?s trauma-based or when it?s internal, it?s hard to understand because we?re all in our head, and a decision from trauma or a decision not from trauma, and your head feels the same, not necessarily in your body, like you were talking about. So, give us one or two tips on trying to uncover what that could be so we can start them down the line.

Lisa:	I think that question that we talked about is really good. So, whenever you?re gonna ? I would say for a week, when you?re about to make a decision, ask yourself, ?What?s driving this decision?? That?s a really good question to ask yourself. I had a mentor who once taught it to me this way. ?Who?s speaking through me right now?? And, I thought, ?Hmm, that?s a good question because sometimes, my trauma is speaking through me, and it?s not authentically me.?

	So, ask yourself that. ?What?s driving this decision? Who?s speaking through me right now? Why am I actually making this decision?? I think just ask yourself questions because just those questions will start to unravel and show you things that you didn?t notice before. Just having that pause before you make that decision is valuable.

Jaime:	I have a very similar question on my fridge ? when I remember to look at it ? but it also matters on what state I?m in because when I?m in stressed, harried mode and I ask myself that question, I don?t feel like I get a good response as if I?m actually tapped in and tuned into my body. So, that, to me, is tough, especially with having all the things to do to have enough time and space to be able to check in with yourself and ask that question. Where would you suggest ? when they?re driving, or ? you know what I mean? What tips do you have on when they?re more tapped in?

Lisa:	Shower time is my favorite. We all are taking showers ? well, I hope we are. We?re all taking showers, so do it in the shower.

Jaime:	That?s a really valid point. I have waterproof notepads in my shower. It looks like Rain Man everywhere.

Lisa:	I have the same thing. When I discovered those, I was so happy.

Jaime:	I send them to every one of my clients, but most people don?t realize when they send them that you can stick them everywhere, so I have ? oh my goodness, they?re sweet. I will ?

Lisa:	My cleaning lady started doing little smiley faces and doodles on my notes.

Jaime:	My kids want to shower in my shower, so they?ve left me scavenger hunts. We have a whole thing going on in there. It?s very fun. But, that?s a really valid point there too because we talk about this a lot where when your brain can defrag a little bit more ? in the shower, when you?re going for a walk, when you?re driving, or whatever those are ? that?s a really good point. I shouldn?t have it on the fridge. I?m making a note. ?Don?t put it on the fridge, put it in the shower.? I did a video about it, too ? ?I?m in my shower. This is weird.?

But, like you said, it?s the point at which you?re way more tapped in ? at least, I am ? so I think that?s a really valid point. So, especially for somebody who used to think emotions were stupid ? I probably said that to you when I first met you. I?ve come a long way; let?s say that. Just from the programmer side of me, where it was like, ?No, it?s all about logic.?

When somebody?s just getting into the feeling of emotions and understanding what their capacity is, do you have any other ideas for them to start trying to understand? I had a wheel of emotions that I couldn?t ? I had to ? I started with the five ? ?happy,? ?sad,? little kid ones ? and then I got a bigger wheel. It sounds sad, but it totally helps in business, just so you guys know.

Jaime:	It really does. I don?t think it?s sad. I think we all have to start somewhere, and like you said, if you?re very left-brained and very in that world of IT and technical, you?re not used to exercising that other part of your brain or that other part of yourself. And so, again, just like when you start at the gym, you start with 5-pound weights, and then you can lift 20, then you can lift 50.

	So, one of the things that I love doing is what I was touching upon that I was doing with a client. It?s something called a sense walk. What?s funny is our brains wanna make it something more than it is, but what I wanna say is it?s magical in and of itself. Don?t try to make it into anything. Just be with it. Just do it. In fact, if you have no huge breakthroughs from it, I don?t care. Just do it consistently.

	And, what I do is I go on a walk ? it could be five minutes ? and I practice opening each one of my five senses, and what I mean by that is I walk outside, and I?m lucky enough that I live on top of a mountain in wilderness, so I have lots of pretty things to look at when I walk out, but it doesn?t matter. You?re in the city? ?Okay, I?m gonna open up my sense of vision. I?m gonna open my sight.? Look around. Notice the bright colors of things. Notice the details of things that you don?t normally look at because you?re just rushing, rushing, rushing. Notice those details, and then just take a moment to see how they affect you. So, that?s my first thing that I do.

	Then, I go to my sense of smell. ?Okay, now I?m gonna put all my focus on my sense of smell. What does the air smell like? Oh, I?m getting a little hint of salt from the ocean nearby. Oh, I smell some flower around here. Ooh, that smells really bad. What is that odor? Again, how is that affecting me?? And, you just do that with all of your senses.

	Everybody who?s a high achiever ? which is all of my clients and all of us ? goes, ?Okay, so, then what?? I?m like, ?We?re not going there yet. Just do this exercise.? Because what does happen ? and, it?s one of those things where there?s certain things ? when I learned reiki many years ago, the teacher would say, ?People are gonna ask you what reiki is. You can?t explain what reiki is. You have to put them on the table and show them what reiki is, and then they get it when you do it.?

	And, it?s the same thing. I can?t explain for you what this is gonna do for you until you do it, and what you will notice is it starts to slowly begin to open you up to receive more, to notice more things, and then it internally starts to reflect where you start noticing how you feel about things a little bit more. You start noticing that somebody?s draining you. You start noticing that you don?t like to work on this part of your business, but it takes practice, and you have to do it consistently.

Jaime:	That is great. The sensitivity meter can go up. I had somebody at an internet marketing party, a huge ? he was speaking ? asked me to do that internet marketing party. ?Close your eyes. Smell.? I?m sitting there going? But, what?s insane is, like you said, it taps you in very quickly, just like using the shower, and that?s a really good reminder that I need to do that, especially ? even if it?s just for five minutes to make a big difference. I love this. I think we have to start wrapping up in just a second, but can we talk a little bit more about the boundaries and how we can bring this back?

Because I literally made a list of boundaries, and I know business owners ? I know you have ? you?re in the digital sphere. You know marketing and that sort of stuff too, so when it comes to online, especially when it comes to trolls, or stalkers, or whatever it is, where are those lines of boundaries, both energetically and not? Because I?ve had my fair share, and I?m like, ?Where is that line?? Because if you just shut them down or you don?t say anything, sometimes ? I?ve had some crazy experiences. So, give us some tips.

Lisa:	I think this starts ? again, I?m always gonna go for what?s at the root of this, and I think this starts on working on your sense of self-worth. What I mean by that is ?I am worthy of demanding these things and claiming these boundaries. I?m worthy of asking for these things.? That?s where we have to start, because if you don?t think you?re worthy, then your boundaries are gonna be all over the place, and if you?re worried about people being upset with you, then your boundaries are gonna be all over the place, so we start there.

	But, here?s the thing about boundary capacity. It?s not about the boundaries you have now, but I always ask ? when I get in the room and I speak to people about this, I always ask this question, and everybody is like, ?Whoa!? I have them write down the person you wanna be in five years. Close your eyes, see them, just get to know that person. What are their boundaries like?

That?s the boundaries you have to start building now, because the boundaries you have have sustained you up to where you are. They?re not the boundaries that are gonna get you to where you wanna be in five years. So, that?s the first question. Do you really have the boundaries of your future self right now? If you don?t, you gotta work on it. That?s the first thing.

	In terms of what boundaries are right for you and what works, honestly, I don?t think there is a one set thing because each person is different. For me, I have lots of different ? in terms of trolls and, unfortunately, some clients ? I?ve had very few, but I?ve had a few clients over the last 10 years that just went batshit on me, and I?m like, ?What is happening??

	In that case, for me, what has worked for me is ? first of all, I don?t check messages on my support inbox, and rarely on my social media, because I don?t wanna expose myself energetically to that. That?s what my admin person is there for, and they?re happy to kick all those things out of my inbox. So, that?s a boundary that I set many years ago that has been wonderful. I don?t get notifications of unsubscribes. Why? Why would I do that to myself? Why would I go down that rabbit hole? No, I don?t get notifications of that.

	And then, a lot of the other boundaries just have to do with getting to know yourself over the years, getting in touch with your feelings, how things feel in your body. ?Actually, I don?t wanna be talking to you until 8:00 at night, client. That doesn?t feel good to me.? And then, we do the work of worthiness and say, ?You know what? I have the right to ask for that.?

	And, owning the boundary, too, because then we have this fear that comes up like, ?All the clients are gonna leave because they?re used to having no boundaries, but that?s where you get revealed who is actually a healthy client relationship and who isn?t, and that?s called being honest with your life, and being honest with yourself, and being willing to see the ugly truths. I?ve lost so many friends in the last 10 years, and I?ve had ? one of the things that makes my business successful is we have such high satisfaction rates with my clients, and people ? just word of mouth and referral, but you?re always gonna have somebody that doesn?t like your boundary.

	I had one client once go, ?You have the most rigid boundaries I?ve ever experienced in my life!? She was so mad. My boundaries really are not that rigid, but because she had no boundaries, she just was so triggered.

Jaime:	When I met you, I was like, ?Whoa.? I had zero boundaries also. ?What was that? Whoa.? And, it?s really opening and ? confronting it first, and then opening and going, ?I could do that too. Wait a minute. I can say what I want that strongly.? I think that?s amazing.

Lisa:	Yeah, and I think you can practice, too, with people who you trust who aren?t gonna freak out on you if you set a boundary. If that feels safer, practice that first. I?ve even had my clients who are married say to their partners, ?My coach told me that I need to start practicing my boundaries, so I?m gonna tell you this, and I just need you to support me right now because it?s very scary for me.? And, it?s also ? just to add a marketing piece of this, it?s also in your marketing. I feel like when you experience my marketing, you can sense what I will and will not tolerate.

And so, I really don?t get that many people who come in as boundary-pushers anymore because who I am, what I am available for, and what I am not available for is woven into all my marketing, my branding ? even the sales call when I have a sales call with someone, they get a sense real quick about how I?m gonna coach them, and my coaching style is fierce love, and I?m gonna call you out. So, if you get pissed off that I have called you out in that sales call, we?re not a good fit. It?s gonna be a nightmare working with you for the next 10 months. It?s gonna be all defensiveness all the time.

	So, that also ? your boundaries also ? you can start to have better boundaries by considering how you?re showing up in your marketing, on your videos, what sort of language ? women use ?just,? and they kind of curtail their language to seem a little less intimidating, and men do it too, not just women. And so, just start noticing. ?How am I showing up? What does what I say in my marketing actually communicate??

	I have a client working on this right now in my Mastermind, and she?s like, ?Oh my God, I just realized that everything I say has a ?just? in front of it, that I?m not clear about when they can text me or contact me in my program for my clients,? and she just started noticing. I gave her that as homework just to notice where she?s curtailing her authority with her language and her marketing, and literally, she did a post of 20 points long of things she noticed in just one week.

Jaime:	I love this because like you said, it?s so simple. I remember even just doing timelines of when I can get back to clients and when they can and when they can?t text me, and it?s literally like telling people, ?This is the boundary,? and then holding, and don?t get me wrong, it is literally almost nothing, but I was like, ?This is amazing! I have so much more energy. I feel like I actually have more of a say instead of letting people run and drive you.?

But, your authenticity just shines through, so I feel like so many other people are going, ?Let?s set the boundaries and figure out my authenticity,? and then I need foundation 1 and foundation 2, and then it?s building on top of itself for knowing who you are and allowing it to be, so that?s why I think your marketing is so awesome. You?re like, ?I know who I am.? It?s very blatant. Let everybody know.

Lisa:	I share my political opinions, I share all sorts of stuff because I want to repel the wrong people. I don?t want ? I?ve had the experience ? you?ve had it too, we?ve all had it, having a business ? of the wrong people coming in, and it?s costly because it drains team resources, it drains you, and I just wanna say just one little thing about ? if somebody?s feeling afraid of setting a boundary listening to this, your boundaries are also going to evolve. There are some things that I had to be very strict about a few months ago ? not a few months ago, a few years ago ? that now I?m like, ?Eh, I don?t really care,? because now I have the capacity.

	So, my private clients ? I have a very small number of private clients that I still see who I love. They?re my VIPs. They can text me whenever they want. There?s no way I could have been able to do that five years ago because I was too fearful and I didn?t know how to manage my energy properly back then. Now, you can text me at 2:00 in the morning. I?m not gonna reply to you, but I don?t care when you text me, and I?m not worried about ? and, if you start texting me too much and that?s what we need to talk about, I?m just gonna tell you.

	So, you?ll notice your boundaries flux. They flow, they change, there are periods of your life where there are hard things going on where you need more boundaries, and there are periods of your life where you?re feeling very well-resourced and you don?t need that many boundaries. That?s all normal, and it?s all okay, and being in touch with yourself and connecting with your body and how you feel allows you to do those calibrations.

Jaime:	Thank you for saying that, because the ebb and flow really ? it?s not like I ? the programmer brain in me is like, ?If this, then that.? If I make a program, then it?s gonna be like that forever. Thank you for adding that on there.

Lisa:	Like a funnel. A funnel does not stay the same way forever. That?s why I say passive income is not really passive.

Jaime:	And, that?s the funny thing, too, the piece that you were talking about ? it?s so counterintuitive in your marketing to try and repel because business owners are like, ?But I have to ? we wanna at least attract as many people as we can, and then we?ll filter them,? or whatever it is. But, when money is shown to your face ? ?Well, I know they?re not a great client.? I?ve heard that. ?I know that maybe they won?t be the best.? You can predict the future in this if you really call them out on it instead of just doing it from the beginning, and then you don?t have to worry about it.

Lisa:	And, sometimes you just ? exactly. I?ve done that in the past, and you just have to learn from that. You have to learn that it?s ? an experience that is so bad that it?s not worth the money that they paid you.

Jaime:	And, I don?t want people to have to go through that, but pain?

Lisa:	Pain is a good teacher.

Jaime:	As every entrepreneur is like, ?How many paper cuts do I have? I got punched in the face also.? I love this. Thank you so much. I know we have to start wrapping up, but I so appreciate this. What is one action listeners can take this week to help them move forward towards their goal of $1 million?

Lisa:	I would ask you a question.

Jaime:	I think you?re the first person to ever flip ? okay, go ahead.

Lisa:	My gift is a question for everybody to ponder. Where I wanna be in five years from now, do I currently have the capacity I need to be there? And, to explain that a little, what I mean by that is is my entire ecosystem ? internal and external ? supporting where I wanna go? That?s what I want you to ask yourself, and get really honest with yourself about that question. I ask this question to all groups I speak to, and almost always, the answer is no. That?s why it feels hard, that?s why you?re struggling, or that?s why you can?t figure it out. Do you have the capacity ? the internal and external ecosystems ? supporting you and lifting you up to where you wanna be in five years?

Jaime:	Can I ask you a follow-up question to that? So, if it is no, what do we do? I wanna do this, so I wanna write it down. Pondering in my head is not enough for me, so I wanna write it down. So, if it?s no ? I?m assuming it?s no for everybody not saying it, too ? how do we get that information more so we can do something with it? I?m a fixer, if you couldn?t tell.

Lisa:	That?s okay. If it?s no, that will ? just the no itself is gonna start to reveal to you where the no is happening. So, that?s why I don?t give a lot of instruction as to what to do after you answer the question because it?s more of a ? this is what happens when I do this live in groups. Everybody goes, ?Fuuuuuuck, I don?t,? and then the brains start spinning, and they?re like, ?I need to fire this person, I can?t have this, I need to fire this client, I?ve gotta get my husband on board and tell him he?s gotta watch the kids two times a week, I can?t do it all by myself,? so that?s why I don?t do follow-ups to that question because your brain is gonna start spinning when the no comes.

Jaime:	So, that?s what you mean by ?ponder.? That makes sense. I?ve been in those states before where you?re like, ?Oh!?, and then all the answers come, so we have the main question for all of the answers. Thank you so much for coming on the show today. Where can we find more about you, follow you on social, see your marketing so we can eyeball it?

Lisa:	Well, I?m Lisa Fabrega across everything ? LinkedIn, Twitter, @lisafabrega, Instagram, Facebook, all the same thing, and you can get me on my website at lisafabrega.com. I actually have an amazing little gift for people who go to my website, which is a video that asks you three important questions that every entrepreneur needs to know to have capacity, and then you get a series of videos that cover each of the six capacities and ask you more questions so you can get acquainted with where your capacity is at right now. So, you can get that on my website.

Jaime:	Awesome. So, if you wanna dive deeper ? and, Lisa?s an amazing storyteller, so you will be engaged as you go through. Thank you so much for coming on the show today, Lisa. I appreciate it.

Lisa:	My pleasure. Thank you for having me.

Categories: All, Business, Featured Millionaire Interview, Millionaire Interviews

Hi I’m Jaime. Each and every week I bring you the top business advice from the people who know best.

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